slow down ➳ 이희승

𖥻 chapter twenty nine

"so fucking pitiful."

꒰🏁꒱

"remember; confront, then leave."

the silence that reigns through the corridor is overbearing, making ava's ears buzz. she's been contemplating on whether to ring the bell or not for the past five minutes ─ though jake's given her the key to enter.

no thanks, i'd rather die than probably walk in on him doing God knows what. she thinks, remembering that the key is somewhere beneath the notes and candy wraps in her coat's pocket.

she takes a deep breath and raises her hand, pressing on the bell button. she takes a step back & waits, letting her gaze examine the dimly lit place.

her inspection is short-lived, as the door opens wide. her jaw falls slack & she'd ran off at an instant, if it weren't for nora's voice echoing at the back of her head. 'just get it through.'

dear lord, what's he came to?

heeseung's once doe eyes carry bags under them, having lost their mischief some time ago. his lips are chapped & his cheeks are hollowed ─ from what jake said, even his eating habits have been fucked up lately.

a lit up cigarette balances on his lips, confirming her friends' statements, & his white tee has little yellow stains on them, probably from the beer he's been consuming like it's water.

he is one. big. mess.

heeseung doesn't look surprised to see her there. "finally." he whispers, & his usually playful tone is gone. his voice is raspy & breathy, like he's constantly sick. "come in." he moves to the side, making space to welcome her in.

"you could've made some effort." is the first thing she tells him, because truthfully, she can't find much to say. where to start? the messy hair? the reeking of alcohol pajama set? what even?

"didn't feel like it." he mutters & plops himself on the couch, pinching the cig lightly & letting it hover above a small plate full of put out cigarette butts. "I don't think you mind it either. you've always seen me as a mess either way."

he throws his head back & blows the smoke off his mouth, glancing over at her. he then points at the armchair across from him, cigarette still on his hand. "go on, make yourself at home."

ava takes off her coat and places it on the headrest, sitting down with hints of uncertainty painting her face. her nose scrunches in disgust as her gaze lands on the table, where half-empty glasses and crashed cans lay.

"what have you done to yourself."

her voice is low & breathy, the despair visible even to his high self. he lets out a quiet chuckle and crashes the cig on the plate. "you've brought me to this, darling."

"you chose to live like this, heeseung." she fires, balling her fists & punching her knees lightly. "you just have to put the blame on someone, don't you?"

"it's because you're on the blame." he speaks lowly, as if it's hard for him. a part of her is concerned, looking at the man before her with pity and sadness. but it doesn't change the fact that he's accusing her for how he turned to be.

"oh come on lee. i gave you a taste of what your actions felt like to me. you just love being on the spotlight & can't stay out of it for a second. needing the attention on you twenty-four seven."

heeseung falls back on the couch and stares. ava starts to get uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze, clearing her throat with a weak cough.

"anyways... i came here to apologize."

"apologize?" heeseung echoes, and he looks like he's just been told some bad news. "yeah, apologize. bet you don't even know what it is, since you never cared to do so when you hurt me."

"but for the sake of my friends ... and for your sake, i apologize for being so ignorant and stubborn and not letting you speak for yourself. they're right, this whole mess wouldn't have been caused if it weren't for me acting like this."

she stops, scratching her thumbnail with her attention fixated on her lap. there's silence, and it makes her feel even more uncomfortable than any other moment spent in here. so, she chooses to look up & see for herself, what got him so quiet.

the urge to punch someone has never been so strong.

the raven is leaning back on the dirty couch, his eyes hooded & a smirk on his lips ─ the kind that has her blood boiling inside of her. she barely keeps herself from throwing a fist right on his nose.

"fucking speak." she commands and stands up, coming closer to him. "it's too humiliating for its own good. just say something so that i can leave."

instead of receiving an answer, she notices the way his smirk grows even wider. "what's so funny, lee? share it so we can smile & be goofy together." she snarls out of frustration, leaning in & screwing an arm on the headrest, right beside his face.

he laughs; loudly, clearly. it breaks in the middle, but he keeps laughing.

she can't stand it anymore. her hand makes harsh contact with his cheek, his head turning to the side. his jaw clenches, but he doesn't turn to look at her. he breathes a low chuckle and lets his head rest on the headrest.

"deserved." he whispers, rolling his head so that they face each other. "i deserved that." he finishes, sitting up a little. their faces are a few inches apart, and ava feels his rugged breath on her lips.

"do that again."

"... what?"

"i said, do that again." he repeats in a slow manner, challenging her with a lopsided smirk. his gaze burns right through her, locking eyes in a tense moment.

"waiting for a special invitation?" he slurs, grabbing her hand and tapping his cheek with it. "hit. me. again." he emphasizes with each light tap.

ava is short for words. he's crazy, she thinks, pulling her hand off his face & staring down at him with fear. "holy shit lee."

"you're pitiful. so fucking pitiful."

heeseung's lips stretch into a smile. "i know, baby." he whispers, his hands coming up to cup her face. "but ain't you a little pitiful yourself?" he raises a brow, chuckling at her expression. astonished.

ava pushes him off with a grunt and stands up, staring down at him. "don't you dare ever come close to me again, clear?" she points at him, rushing off to grab her coat and leave.

"crystal!" heeseung yells, head falling back with a throaty laugh. "bye bye~"

she slams the door and leans on it, her eyes stringing from the smoke and the tears threatening to fall. he's just high, drunk, he's out of his mind.

however hard she tries to convince herself though, it's all too clear now. lee heeseung is a fucking menace & a mistake in her life. he's done nothing else but continuously fucking her up, bit by bit, slowly.

she walks down the corridor, dark, salty rivers rolling down her flushed cheeks. lee heeseung's chapter in her life is finally done, once & for all.

two more races, and she'll be off to join another event ─ away from this cursed place and cursed person.