twenty - when I've learned how to love

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You stay up until an ungodly hour in the morning watching videos.

At first, it's just everything that Hange can find from the rebellion. The promotional videos you made, some that encourage others to stand with the rebellion, others calling out the Capitol, and others of missions you've gone on. They give you a tablet with everything they can find, and you curl up at your desk in your room, observing earnestly.

It's almost like your memories just... unfold as you watch. You see a clip of you calling Rod a "pathetic, miserable coward" and suddenly you can see Jean and Marco- your camera crew, you remember them now- giving you thumbs up, Shadis groaning, and Erwin smiling. You watch as you traipse through the ruins of District 12, Levi next to you, and it feels like you can hear Oluo and Gunther bickering in the background, even if you're watching the video with no audio.

When you saw Petra and she'd told you that everyone was evacuated, you'd been optimistic. After finding out that your other friends were dead, like you initially anticipated, your hopes had been crushed. Seeing this video hurts even more.

You watch that particular video a few times. You glare at the screen, pausing on one scene of you with your head turned towards Levi.

Well, he definitely doesn't look like he wants to kill you. In fact...

You press play again. The video continues on, with you talking to the camera and looking around your district, but Levi can't stop staring at you. Fuck, the way he looks at you...

You swallow hard and close the video. You remember it all now, that mission to District 12- the jabberjays. Your parents' voices that haunt your nightmares. How your friends died. Levi was never to blame for any of this- that falls on the Capitol. On Rod fucking Reiss.

"Fuck," you mutter to yourself, clicking on another video that you don't think you've seen yet.

It opens up to green, green, and more green. Forests, bushes, paths. Outdoors. You frown- it doesn't look like District 12- but then you realize it's District 13. You've been there before- obviously, because you're in the video.

You're armed with your bow and a quiver of arrows slung over your shoulder, and you're starting your typical "people of the districts" speech. You're so entranced by watching yourself on screen that you barely acknowledge the knock on the door, doing nothing more than calling out "it's open" without even looking up.

The door opens, and you pause the video to turn and look to the door. It's Hange. "Saw the light on under your door," they confess. "Why are you still awake?"

"Why are you?" you counter, frowning.

"Touché." Hange's eyes flicker to the screen behind you. "Ah! You're nearly at the end!"

"Am I?"

"Yeah, this is one of the last ones you filmed before you were- well, you know, kidnapped." Hange closes the door behind them and crosses the room to stand next to you. "We were trying to make you more relatable. A suggestion by Armin, actually- make you more personable. So the people rallying behind you knew who they were following."

"Oh," is the only thing you can manage. "How stupid did it turn out?"

Hange grins, tapping the screen. "Watch."

The video plays. You hear someone off screen- you think that's Jean- ask, "so, the world wants to know, how'd you get so good at archery?"

You don't even recognize the smile on your own face. "Originally, my parents showed me," you're saying, lining up an arrow on your bow. "When they died, I kind of threw myself into it. Needed something to distract myself. Plus, I needed some way to feed myself. Being an orphan in the districts is tough- hardly any support except from your own people."

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