For Worse or For Better- Book #6 in the WF Series

Chapter 32: Panic

♡ Alaiya's POV: ♡

Roman and I are laying on the couch a week after his birthday.

Everyone seems to be out somewhere or just not in the living room. Skyler and Sanchez took Autumn and Dayton to a carnival, and Aubrey is fast asleep for her nap. Something's playing on the TV, I'm not sure what. I think both Roman and I were just skipping past channels and somehow got here. My eyes are literally about to shut in a few seconds because of how exhausted I am when suddenly, I feel Roman's hand traveling to the bottom of my leggings.

"Roman, I'm tired," I yawn, smiling.

He doesn't answer which probably means he heard me, so I decide to fall asleep again. His hand begins to reach again, reaching and playing with the waistband of my leggings.

"Roman," I laugh with droopy eyes. "We can do something tonight."

He doesn't stop, his hand continuing to move.

"Roman, I'm actually tired," I tell him.

"You always fucking do this," his voice all of a sudden shouts at me.

...pardon?

I'm shocked.

I'm flabbergasted about the fact that those words just came out of his mouth. He's never, ever been upset with me about being too tired to have sex with him. Matter of fact, he's never suggested sexual things when I'm this tired or almost half-asleep. We both understand timing. Although, at the moment, he definitely does not.

"What did you just say?" I turn my head around to be sure I didn't imagine that.

"I'm your goddamn husband, Alaiya, and you don't want to have sex with me. I have to fuck you all the time when you look ugly, but when I'm in the mood, you tell me no."

I don't even realize that I'm crying until the water falls down my cheeks. I was already upset when he yelled at me, that sentence just hurt a whole lot more.

"Oh, great. Cry about it so you can seem innocent. God, you're the most unbearable person I've ever met. The only reason we're together is because you're easy. I mean, how long did Carson control you for?"

That's when the sunlight hits my eyes which slowly open as I realize it was a nightmare, my thoughts jumbled up and my hands firmly gripping onto Roman's shirt.

I've never had a nightmare like that before. I've had some flashbacks about my parents or Carson, but nothing like that.

Where did that even come from? Why did it feel so real even though I don't think I've heard any of those sentences even on the tip of Roman's tongue?

~~~~

"Aubrey." I smile as I hold up a spoon of baby food.

She smiles back at me brightly with her hands out in the air because she knows that its mango flavor; her favorite. I've given her ten bites too, and yet she's still as enthusiastic as the first time. She takes a spoonful and laughs adorably, that baby laugh music to my ears.

"Hi." A kiss is felt on my cheek, but I jump in fear before I can even process it. "Hey, it's just me," Roman tells me as I look up in panic beside me, his hands gently resting on my shoulders.

I'm embarrassed about my reaction, but I'm not surprised.

I haven't been able to have a full conversation with him after the nightmare. I can't even look at him because every time I do, I think of all the things nightmare Roman told me and it honestly frightens me. And to think, we just had a conversation about how I should tell him if I start thinking about Carson or my parents again, and here I am, not able to tell him about how my mind has created a fake version of him from all the things Carson used to say to me.