Petal [h.s.]

FORTY-THREE - IN THE HALLWAY

That tiny hallway gave me an opportunity.

It gave me an in with Arabella. It gave me a reason to be near her and smell her and taunt her. It gave me a reason to press her to see if she was really, truly happy-if she was really, truly moving on with Max like it appeared that she was. And look at that... she wasn't, just like I wasn't.

Arabella was the epitome of 'fake it 'til you make it'. She would pretend to be happy with Max and fulfilled in her new, blossoming fling with him, but that's all it would be-pretend. Until she eventually convinces herself that it's not pretend and that her feelings are real.

It had been so long since I'd been close to her. Close enough to feel her breathing and smell the traces of her perfume. I had been forcing myself to stay away from her, trying to do the right thing even though I hated it. My heart and my body were both rebelling. My legs were traitors, they tried to walk me over to her apartment every night for the last month. My hands as well, when they picked up that damned journal I started for her to add more pressed flowers and song lyrics that made me think of her. My mouth betrayed me by calling out her name every time I had a night terror.

I was a man possessed and I actively fought against it every day. But not today. Not on this beautiful, sunny, perfect August day. Not when I had to sit a few feet away and watch her face light up when she saw Max. Not when she jumped out of her seat and lifted her hands to him, waiting for him to grab hold of her. She was glowing. She was elated. She called him baby.

I watched his hand press to her thigh. I watched her breath get caught in her throat when he did. I watched him whisper to her as he kissed her goodbye, he whispered right up against lips that were supposed to be pressed to my own. And then the cocky motherfucker waltzed right up to my table, grinning like the goddamn devil. Arabella didn't realize how loudly she spoke when she said she was going to fuck him. I knew Max and I both picked up on it and he looked ready to pump his fist in the air in celebration.

He knew exactly what he was doing when he walked up to say hello to me and Jessie. His eyes assessed me carefully as he asked about the four of us getting together sometime soon. He was trying to figure out what level of threat I was to him. I wanted to show him that it was gonna be fucking deadly if he didn't stop touching my girl.

My girl. My brain corrected that right away, reminding me that she wasn't mine. But she could be again. I was being nice by staying away from her. I know her. I know she'd give into me if I kept at it, if I kept charming her and flirting with her and saying all the right things. If I kept pressing my body to hers in tiny hallways. If I kept whispering all the depraved shit I wanted her to do to me. I could have her back. Arabella was the strongest girl I'd ever known, but when it came to me, she was weak.

The fact that she hadn't slept with him yet spoke volumes to me. I knew it was because of me. I knew she couldn't bring herself to that place yet because of what we had together. So in that tiny hallway, I saw an opening with her and I took it. It made me the bad guy. It made me the villain. I knew that, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be a good guy if it meant losing her. I wasn't any good without her, so what was the point? I could either be the villain and get the girl or I could be the villain because I lost her.