Pole Dancer

Chapter 19: Different

Chapter 19: DIFFERENT

"Imma ride that d*ck like a stolen car, I got THE best p*say that you had thus far!!", I yelled as Paula bent over and started twerking right in front of me.

"Which b*tch you know going hard as ME? Imma ride or die and ion need no key!!" Paula recited the lyrics with me as the twerk song continued and I ran my hands over her jiggling butt.

We were lit in the party after leaving the race and coming back to Tej's nice home. Jax and his guys were obviously having a good time seeing as they were approached by race groupies and handed a beer as soon as they stepped in. Of course, Chibs kept close to Paula as she navigated the party being the bad bitch that she was.

I finished another blunt and bent over to whisper into Paula's ear.

You wasn't there when I was alone (alone)
Say that you care, when really you don't
It's all in your actions, none of my fault
'Cause I ain't the kind you put to the side whenever you want
There must be something to hide
Feel like when you're on my line
There's someone around and stay in the cut, ooh oh
So do me a favor, show me the paper
I'm not in the mood to cry anymore
That ain't the vibe that I'm going for

"I'm going outside with Jax."

"Keep it PG," she joked as she stood up fixing my hair and just being a good friend before she left me to go play with her boy toy Chibs.

I grabbed Jax and another round of Corona for the both of us as I led us out the side door which led to this amazing patio. There was a small amount of people but for the most part we were secluded from the party.

"How do you like racing?", I asked with a straight face as I handed Jax a beer. "You did great, by the way."

Jax almost spit out his beer as he laughed.

"You did. I loved the gripping of the door like it was going to save your life."

"You're funny."

I swallowed some of my beer before jumping up on the ledge. Just beyond the patio, a nice sized pool shone in the moonlight and past that the desert could be seen clearly beyond the wall.

"Why did you kiss me?", Jax pushed his blond hair behind his ear. "Not that I didn't like it, but I thought you were against 'baby mama' drama."

I took another sip of my beer. I didn't want to give him the run around but I had seen his type before. The handsome guy who's cocky cause he knows his power over women.

"You're the first guy I find interesting. I've had a crush before, don't get me wrong, but you just-", I cussed myself out in my head as I literally felt stupid telling this fine as hell man how I felt about him.

"Can I tell you that it's not one sided?

"What the fuck ever." I rolled my eyes as I jumped down and hid my face from him with my hand.

He reached up and slipped his hand in mine. The weird feeling in my stomach started again and I froze like a deer in headlights. Jax gave me that look like he was searching for something.

I don't know if he found whatever it was he was looking for but he stepped closer and his lips found mine as I weakly protested. He closed in on me and grabbed my waist to pull me forward so our lower halves were pressed against each other.

He was... He was interested.

The kiss made me lightheaded and his soft lips on mine made me feel like I was on Cloud Nine. When he grabbed his hands came up to hold my face in place, I snapped out of it.

"No."

I stepped back. I swiped at my mouth unconsciously. It wasn't him and it damn sure wasn't the kiss. I just felt myself wanting more and knowing that I couldn't.

"We can't do this."

The look of rejection that Jax wore just made me feel bad. I didn't want to give him false hope. I don't know if I'm ready for something like this and I definitely know that with our situations it would be difficult to navigate a long distance relationship.

What did I say?
Or what did I do?
You can't even talk or look in my eyes when I'm in the room
So why would you act like, this was our home?
Dealing with girls who cannot compare to nothing I'm on
I'm feeling so disrespected (yeah)
I cannot even accept it (yeah)
You're so out of line for wasting my time, and
Now you're neglectin'
Wildin' out in public
You just love to switch up the subject
I'm so tired of you flippin' and fumblin'
Say I'm trippin' on you over nothing

"It's fine, darlin'. I should probably go anyways. We're making the trip in the morning."

"Jax, no-"

"What do you want from me, Martie?"

I couldn't answer him.

Watching him leave, the kutte with its reaper on the back just made me pause. I couldn't stop him but I also couldn't handle the bad taste in my mouth and brick that fell in my tummy.

I hadn't noticed that I maybe was drinking way more than I thought after Jax left me alone. I stumbled down to the pool and put my legs into the water not even rolling up my pants. The warm water felt soothing and took my mind off the train wreck that just so happened to be my mental state.

"Martie! Why are you cock blocking, girl?", my brown skinned friend questioned as she plopped down on side of me, equally drunk.

I don't even know what happened but I burst into tears.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry for yelling. A girl just wanted some dick."

I choked out a laugh at her obvious disappointment on not getting to hook up with Chibs. She must really like him to keep entertaining him and this little back and forth they were doing. How did she manage a long distance relationship with a biker?

"I'm sorry, babe. I just wanted him so bad but we're not gonna work. If he was the one, it wouldn't be this difficult...", I mumbled sadly.

Paula gave my cheek a pat and I glanced up to look at her face. She wore this look like she had just realized something. The smile on her face was pretty blinding because she had a nice white smile with pretty teeth. Not only that but her lips were beautiful as well.

"Bitch, you in love with a white boy!"

"No, I'm not."

"Say swear."

I hesitated. I hated that rule we had. We had to give each other the truth no matter what if the other person told us to say 'swear'. I, of course, could give her full disclosure no problems.

"Sw-"

She waved her hand in my face. The smile never left as she stared at me.

"You took too long, Martie. You have never once in your entire existence of our friendship ever, ever hesitated to answer one of those. Are you sure?"

Honestly I couldn't answer and for the second time that night I was rendered speechless.