Chapter 29

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TW: SWEARING, INSECURITIES, REGRET, NOT COPING

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The warm feeling that had filled my belly at the Pube had long dissipated

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The warm feeling that had filled my belly at the Pube had long dissipated. Cool autumn breezes were replaced by the familiar humidity of the rainforest as I walked. Alifero was as beautiful as ever, lulling me into a sense of security I had hoped to avoid. If people had seen that I snuck out whilst I was still living here, then surely they could see my return just as easily. 

We chose a roundabout route to avoid any elytrian nests to be safe. Niki's tail shimmered in the black water of the river as we trekked towards the lagoon. My greatest comfort is the feeling of Tommy's warm hand holding mine. He had insisted on coming even though Tubbo, Ranboo and Beau chose to head home. Staying up later despite our day tomorrow wasn't Tommy's main concern. It makes me feel special when I think that he's here just to support me. On my shoulder, Sneeg had been dead quiet and so had Wilbur who walked a few paces behind us. 

Water trickles in the lagoon as we enter, standing at the massive bases of the trees that hold up the estate. My home. I hug Wilbur sorrowfully, knowing that he won't be here when I come back down and that this is our last goodbye. He tries to hide it with his prickly attitude, but I can see him getting teary too. Sneeg was less subtle about his feelings and his sniffles became contagious. I can't hug Sneeg like I can hug Wil, and the thought upsets me even more. Niki and I hug quickly, having already said our teary goodbyes at the Pube. 

"Are you sure you'll be ok?" Tommy's hands grip my shoulders and worry twinkles in his blue eyes. 

I try to smile for him. "She's my sister, she's not going to hurt me."

Amélie deserved to know what I was about to do. I had abandoned her in her darkest moment and the guilt had been eating me alive. We never got along, but she's still family. In some twisted way, Phil deserves to know too, but I can't force myself to talk to him. I know that he won't listen if I'm standing in front of him; he had made that clear to me many times. 

Weighing heavy in my pocket is a letter to him. Nothing will guarantee that he reads it all or reads it at all, but it will give me some piece of mind to know he was given the truth. Even if Imagining him reading it sends a spike of nerves in the pit of my stomach. 

I shake myself out of my thoughts and lean up to press a kiss on Tommy's cheek.  

"I'll be back soon," I promise him. There's nothing I can do to reassure either of us, so it's time to bite the bullet. His touch lingers on my skin as I turn around and walk towards the entrance. 

Instinctively, I reach for the rope of my pulley system. My muscles freeze when I realise what I'm doing. I can fly up there now, I think. The tree stretches high above me, the platform looming ahead. It was surreal. I look at my pulley system again overcome with a wave of nostalgia. It had been a useful tool, but I've grown now from that weak girl I used to be. 

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