till forever falls apart

bending 'til she breaks

i forgot how emotionally fucked kate is in this

Kate paces around the apartment, trying to calm herself down.

They're just scans. Yelena is just getting scans. It's all going to be fine. She's going to have made progress, this last two months will have not been for nothing.

Chemo works. That's why they give it to all of these cancer patients, right?

Kate pulls at her fingers, half-convinced that if she pulls far enough that one of them will pop off. Yelena's going to be home any minute, she just needs to keep reminding herself of that. She's going to be home, she's going to be doing better, this will all be okay.

Except it won't because half an hour later, Natasha and Yelena come back, Natasha bearing dinner and Yelena wearing some worn-out look on her face. That's not the look of victory.

Oh god.

"What happened? What'd they say?" she immediately blurts, holding on to Lucky so that he doesn't topple Yelena over, "Are you okay?"

"I'm tired," Yelena says after a long second, moving to sit at the table, "Dr. Perez said that the chemo did nothing."

Kate's stomach drops, "What-"

"It didn't do nothing," Natasha sets a drink by Yelena's side and hands Kate a drink, "The tumor didn't shrink as anticipated. But, it didn't grow, either."

"What does that matter, Tasha? The stupid thing is still there and I still can't do shit about it," Yelena grumbles, fussing with her drink and stirring it around with her straw.

Kate gapes, "There aren't any other options?"

"She gave you options," Natasha says, eyes meeting Kate's this time, "She has other options."

"What are the other options?" Kate asks, walking around the table and to the kitchen, where Natasha's setting out the food.

"They could change her chemo regimen," Natasha pushes a burger in her direction before grabbing another one and putting it on the table by Yelena, "or they're looking at amputation-"

"Which is bullshit," Yelena picks at her fries, "if they were just going to cut it off, they should've done that shit months ago, before I lost my fucking hair and my ability to have a normal fucking life and become miserable." Yelena doesn't make eye contact with either one of the other women in the room, instead opting to glare at her food some more and rub her fingers against each other.

Kate can't help but notice - it's just in her nature at this point. She wonders how - how Yelena the assassin got so easy to read - but she can't focus on it for long, finding the cancer issue far more pressing.

"But you have options now," Natasha says softly, "And you have the weekend to make the decision."

"If I do chemo," Yelena ticks off one of her fingers, "There's a chance that it doesn't work again, I'm back in this place again, only sicker, because apparently, each round of chemo gets worse. Or... I cut off my leg, I am handicapped for the rest of my life because humans aren't starfish that can grow back their limbs," she pauses, tapping quietly against her leg, "Or we do experimental treatment that might kill me. Great options, Tasha."

Kate swallows, all appetite lost. She doesn't know what to say.

She doesn't know if she ever will.

Natasha leaves not too long after, making Yelena promise to come up with some kind of a decision and reminding Kate to rest. Kate wonders where she got that from, but she guesses it's the whole spy thing. And mom thing. Sometimes she forgets the spy part of her is a thing.