If You Forget | ✓

Chapter 6

Despite my curiosity, it takes me a couple of days to finish the book. Soon after finding the comment about the flash drive, another interesting passage pops up. While the author describes the way Winston destroys the evidence of being ordered to alter the truth, as well as his own notes about it, a comment on the margin says, "be careful of what you're writing down ;)".

Whether it's really meant to be a warning or not, I take it as a sign that I shouldn't write down any clues I find in the book, so—ironically enough—I have to rely on my memory for those.

As I read, I notice a lot of passages that the past me tried to highlight, some of them with their own little comments on the side.

"Everything faded into mist. The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became truth." The quote is accompanied by an ominous, "one should never believe everything that is served to them".

"For the first time he perceived that if you want to keep a secret you must also hide it from yourself." This line appeared towards the end of the book, followed with an ambiguous "hide it where no one can see it".

They all seem to tell me something, warning me of the danger that might be lurking around me. I notice a lot of passages and lines that are underlined and simply highlighted with exclamation marks. I flip through the book, trying to put them all together.

"It was true that he had no memories of anything greatly different."

Despite the original passage talking about how Winston's surroundings have always been the same, for as long as he could remember, I oddly relate to it as well. The irony is hard to miss, because I have no memories of a different life either.

"To do anything that suggested a taste for solitude, even to go for a walk by yourself, was always slightly dangerous."

"A Party member lives from birth to death under the eye of the Thought Police. Even when he is alone he can never be sure that he is alone."

There are some other marked quotes that seem to have a similar theme to these ones, and I can't help but try to imagine how scary it must be to live that way—constantly watched over by someone, not being able to have any time for yourself, stripped of any privacy.

"Everything depends on yourself."

I go back and forth between the quotes, trying to figure out if I may have misunderstood something. The crumpled handwriting on the margins matches the one from my notebooks, but it doesn't tell me much more than that.

When all the quotes are put together, they paint quite a concerning story. They look like something that only a very lonely and scared person would relate to, so I wonder what happened to make the past me mark those things as important.

Was I already aware that someone wished me harm before I was kidnapped, which made them so significant? And if that was really the case, then who could've it been?

I'm still missing many pieces of the puzzle, but luckily for me, the quotes aren't the only clues in the book. There are some smaller ones, just bits and pieces and scattered words underlined in different ways.

I easily separate them into two groups. The first ones are all in close proximity, hidden in the early parts of the book. I have "memory holes", "document", "books", and "photographs", all marked with a single straight line underneath them.

The others are harder to find since they're scattered throughout the rest of the book, but a wavy line they're marked with clearly sets them apart: "vast land spaces", "four", "the rocks", "Look at the stars!", "surface of water", and "flame".

While the first ones point at something concrete, the second group leaves me confused. They are clearly clues about something, but I don't know what just yet. I finally decide to let it go for now and put the book back in its place on the bookshelf. I know I can't remember everything I found, and since writing things down isn't an option, I mark the pages where all the clues appear, because I'll definitely be revisiting them often.

With my mood significantly grimmer, I open my desk drawer and find the red piece of paper that I hid at the bottom. The first side is now clear as day to me; after all of this, I see I was right about 1984, but now it's turn for the other side to trouble me.

No matter how much I think about it, I still don't know what the "R3D" is about. I already figured that it must be pointing to the color red, which seems to be a common theme between all the clues, but why is it written in such a way?

I leave that question aside for now and focus on the drawings. They aren't anything special, just some amateur doodles, but I can't help but wonder if they have their own meaning too. A white dove, little crescent moon, a question mark, small scythe, a skull, a trident, and something that looks like a droplet, or a tear; they're scattered across the tiny piece of paper, challenging me to solve their mystery.

A hollow ping of a message notification breaks my focused gaze. I put the red paper back and quickly take my phone. When my screen lights up, I see that I have a text message from Jane.

'I was thinking of coming over with some of our friends tomorrow afternoon to visit you. Let me know if that works for you x'

As I read the message, I realize I've completely forgotten about Jane. Lately, the only thing I've been thinking about are the cryptic clues the past me left behind. It's funny how easily someone can trap themself inside their own mind and forget about the outside world. I've been stuck in this little bubble, cushioned by the comfort of my bedroom.

I look at the screen again, and her words remind me of the quotes I previously marked in 1984. In one of them, Winston was talking about using the word "friend", and I marked that part, saying "be careful of who you're calling a friend" beside it.

If there's a specific person that note was referring to, then Jane might have some answers for me.

With my thoughts heading in that direction, I think about Chris again. As our classmate and friend, Jane should at least help me shine some light on my relationship with him, as well as our relationships with others. I still don't understand why the two of us were the targets, but if I want to solve this mystery, I'll have to find out.

***

Hi guys! Yes, I know what I said the last time I updated, and yet there haven't been any new updates for over 2 weeks (almost 3), but... starting today (10/13), draft 2 is officially done!! I've been working on it insanely hard the past 3 days (aka wrote 16k words in that time frame), and now that it's finally done, I'm gonna be updating a chapter a day until next Sunday, when it'll be marked as completed! So yes, now you can definitely look out for more updates! See you around :D

Nina ^.^