No Going Back

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As I stirred awake the following morning, I felt Leah's eyes on me right away. Her grip hadn't loosened; my shoulders were wrapped in one arm and my waist in the other. She placed a delicate kiss on my cheek, keeping her lips against it as she exhaled gently, almost with relief that I was still here. I struggled to understand how things could feel so right but so wrong at the same time.

No words were exchanged between us; I simply released myself from her grip and headed to the shower. I collected my thoughts in the shower, replaying our conversation from last night. My heart broke for Leah at the idea that she was trapped inside some kind of mirror maze that meant she continuously had to look at herself, even when she wanted to hide away. Have you ever tried to find someone in a mirror maze? She was right that if I walked away from her, she would try to follow me, but she would be up against this repetitive, no escape life that she was in.

I went downstairs, noticing that Leah was putting her shoes on with her car keys in her hand. I watched as tears gently fell from her eyes, her forehead moving up and down in an effort to stop the flow. Was being a secret really that important to me? I uprooted my life to be with Leah, and she was willing to uproot hers for the same reason. Love is the most complicated feeling in the world, but isn't that how you know it's real?

"You're leaving?" I broke the silence.
"I don't want to be another person who has let you down, Sophie. Sometimes you have to let go of the people you love."
"I don't want you to let go of me." I began to cry with my words.
"Soph, I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm just watching this massive storm brew in front of my eyes. One that will take you from me. I want to shout from the rooftops that you are mine and that I am yours."
"I want that too."
"It's a one way road, don't you see that?" Leah sobbed.
"Explain?"
"Once it's out there, there's no going back. You won't be recognised for your incredible career, your resilient personality, or your selfless heart. You'll be recognised as my girlfriend, and your identity will be defined by mine. It's the most selfish thing in the world that I would ever expect you to do that."

I walked towards her, my heart feeling like the opposite end of a magnet attracted to hers. I guess that's what we were—opposites—but I was okay with that. I was okay with the idea of being the opposite of Leah because, behind closed doors, we were the same. Our love was equal, our commitments were equal, our morals were equal, and our lives just differed. I gently wriggled her keys from her hand, placing them on the table and wrapping my arms around her waist. Her body fell into mine, vibrating against my chest as she struggled to deal with the overwhelming emotions she was feeling.

"Being recognised as your girlfriend instead of a boring solicitor sounds pretty alright to me if it means I get to hold you like this for the rest of my life." I whispered.
"Do you really mean that? I can give you all the time you need. I can wait for you. I will wait. I will wait forever." Leah spoke her chain of thought.
"I feel like I've been waiting forever for you to kiss me this morning." I smiled playfully at her.

Leah placed her hands on my cheeks, gently stroking her thumbs against them as she leaned towards me. She placed her lips against mine softly, the taste of her tears taking over my lips as I pulled her closer to me. She broke our kiss, resting her forehead against mine. A gentle smile began to form on her face as our eyes met.

"If it ever gets too much, if you ever want to walk the other way, I will let you. I never want you to feel as trapped as I do in this life. You have to promise me that you will tell me." Leah whispered.
"I promise."

With that, we were back on this journey together. A journey that had been far from easy, a journey that had caused heartache, a journey that had made us both question each other's commitment, but a journey that I was sure would be my final journey of love.

After a few hours of lazing around the house, Leah announced that she wanted us to go on a date. Her mood had completely changed; she was a woman on a mission now, even if I didn't know what the mission was. We got ready and headed to a local bowling alley. I noticed that Leah was extremely affectionate with me; she hugged me every time I improved my score, placing her hands on my back when I was taking my seat again for her turn.

On the way back, we stopped at a fair. I could see my breath; my fingertips were numb, but I didn't care. Being a child again at the funfair with Leah was the best I had felt in a very long time. She continued to proudly link our hands together as if no one else was present. I found a rubber duck stall, giving Leah puppy dog eyes until she caught one for me, opting for the cutest teddy on the shelf as my prize, well, technically Leah's prize. By the time we got to the exit, Leah was laughing hysterically at the sight of me. I had candy floss in one hand, a teddy bear in the other, and a dinky doughnut bag bulging from my pocket. I grinned at the camera as Leah took a picture of me, my heart warming the rest of my body.

We entered back into Leah's apartment, her lack of tidying up after the night out apparent. We cuddled up on the sofa, and her pretend jealousy over the cuddles the teddy was getting made me giggle. Leah was just a normal human—a normal human that was made out to be inhuman by the media—but deep down she had the same affectionate immaturity, desire to be loved, and hopefulness as everyone else did.

I began to doze off as Leah caught up on the football highlights, her hand gently stroking my hair as she spoke.

"Are you completely sure about this, Soph?" Leah whispered.
"Completely." I said as I squeezed my grip around her.

I awoke the following morning in Leah's bed, her sleeping body beside mine. I didn't even remember moving from the sofa to bed; the previous day's rollercoaster of emotions was knackering me. I picked up my phone to see a wave of notifications. With thousands of follower requests on Instagram, my Twitter mentions are through the roof. Had someone seen us the day before? I didn't care; I was just confused. That's when I saw it. At the top of my newsfeed.

Leah had posted two pictures: one from the funfair of me proudly grinning at the exit gates and one of me in her arms after my first strike in the bowling alley. I wasn't even sure how she had managed to get the second picture, but our smiling faces and foreheads resting against each other's told the world everything they needed to know. The caption made my heart explode. It wasn't a simple heart or a mention of a 'fun day' as I had expected. It was so much more.

leahwilliamsonn:

Sometimes you meet someone, you imagine your life with them, and you wish you could live in that bubble forever. If you're lucky enough and make enough effort, that imaginary life can come true.

Forever waking up happy when you're beside me, Soph 🤍

It all made sense now; Leah's mission yesterday was to capture our happiness. It was to capture the happiness that we felt around one another; it was a message to the world that we were not inhuman. I felt her sleepy eyes on me, deciphering my reaction.

"Le. I love you." I whispered as I stared at the post.
"I love you, Soph. I will forever show you off to the world." Leah smiled as she kissed me.
"How did you even get that second picture?" I giggled.
"I know the person that works in the bowling alley; I told them to capture the purest moment for me. That's the moment they chose." She whispered into my lips.
"I think I just fell even more in love with you." I smiled.
"I fall more in love with you with every second that passes, Soph."

This bubble hasn't popped, and I don't think it ever will.

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