Petal [h.s.]

FORTY-SEVEN - IN THE AFTERGLOW

I meant to buy some more tequila.

I remembered after I got home from the store and went to make myself my usual nightly cocktail. I cursed softly when I saw that I was out, annoyed with how much I'd been drinking lately but unable to stop it. It was the only thing that helped the pain I was constantly in.

I looked out the window and noted how dark it was getting. The nights came earlier now that fall was approaching rapidly, even though the weather stayed warm the last few weeks.

September, so far, hasn't been very good to me.

I'd spent it all drunk, first of all, as I hadn't figured out any other coping mechanisms that worked as well. I woke up more than once in Jessie's bed at her parent's summer home, unsure how I got there. I knew that I was partying too much and falling back into my old lifestyle with her, but I couldn't manage to stop myself. Losing Arabella for good felt like nothing I could have imagined.

Jessie told me that she and Max broke up and that he was a wreck about it. I felt no joy when I heard, like I thought I might. All I could do was think about how long it had been since I saw Arabella out and about. All I could think about was the mindset she must be in right now, to experience heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak. I was worried about her.

As much as I didn't want her with Max, I didn't want her to be sad even more. I spent every night listening for signs of life on her side of the wall and a sigh of relief escaped me every time I heard something that let me know she was still going.

I considered going over there every five minutes of every single night, but I couldn't let myself do it. I had to let her come to me if she wanted to, I couldn't keep pushing her.

Grabbing my keys and my wallet, I headed back out to run down the boardwalk to the liquor store. I breathed in deeply when the warm breeze off the ocean hit me, my eyes straying up to Arabella's windows as I walked past her shop. I wondered what she was doing, if she was okay.

I bet that she was snuggled up on the couch with Jagger, that she was wearing her favorite t-shirt and underwear pajama combo, that she was watching a scary movie and had Chinese on the way. It was her favorite way to spend a Saturday night and I wished more than anything that I could be there with her.

It was a quick walk down the boardwalk to what was a gift shop/liquor store combo. I remembered the first time I saw it, how tacky I thought all of the touristy shit inside was. But now I smiled as I looked at all of the brightly colored t-shirts that listed Juniper Bay across the front in big block letters. Maybe because it finally felt like home to me.

I whistled as I flipped my keys around, searching the shelves for what I needed. I was tall enough to see over the tops of certain shelves and while I was looking at the tequila, I noticed a brunette bun poking over the top of the shelf in front of me. My whistling stopped, my heart starting to pound as I studied that hair. I knew that hair.