If You Forget | ✓

Epilogue

What does the word family mean to me? Throughout my entire life, this was always one of the most difficult questions for me to answer. Involuntarily, my mind goes back to that day when I watched Chris reunite with his family in the hospital.

"Not ready to talk about that yet?" my therapist asks as I quietly wipe the tears off of my face.

"That's not the case," I claim, but my own words feel like a lie. "I just... I'm not sure."

We sit in silence for another minute, until I continue. "I guess I just feel ashamed and stupid for falling for their lies." I shrug and slump deeper into the chair, as if the motion will make me shrink and completely disappear.

"From your point of view, that's bad because you blame yourself for everything that happened. But I think you only 'fell for that' because you wanted to believe them; because, even when you had no memories of them, somewhere deep down you knew you deserved better than the treatment you were getting in the past."

I sit quietly, too stunned to say anything. The woman in front of me clearly takes that as a sign to continue. "You still need some time to process everything you went through and accept it. Even though it's been a few months since the incident resolved, there are years of unresolved past wounds underneath that. Things like those need a lot of time and patience, and you're the only one who can give that to yourself."

I fiddle with my fingers uncomfortably, pondering over her words. "But... what if I become like them someday?"

"We've already been over this, Elainne," she says firmly, but her voice still holds some gentleness to it. "By asking that question alone, you're showing effort to be different from them. And even if you have a trait or two in common, you are not your parents. You were under their shadow for too long, but you're still your own person, with thoughts and emotions of your own."

The minutes pass by as we both sit and wait for the other one to say something. After all, this is how most of our sessions worked—I usually spent more time sitting and thinking about her words than actually talking to her, but somehow, she said she can notice my progress.

"Should we change the topic to something brighter?" she asks after she's sure I have nothing else to add to the topic. "How are things going with Chris?"

"It's alright. He's fully recovered by now and got his weight back. But he's still stuck on that college thing."

"And why don't you want to go to college together?" Her careful eyes analyze me closely, hidden behind the rim of her glasses.

"I'm... not sure," I say in confusion. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? Is it because he told you that he likes you?" she probes.

"Okay, that might be a reason," I admit weakly.

She smiles for a second, as if she expected that answer. "Do you think you're scared of getting attached to someone again?"

"No, no, that's not it," I deny immediately. "I mean, I'm already attached to him. He's been my best friend for years. Maybe that's the problem, because I see him as more of a family member. Especially now that I've lived with him and his family for the past couple of months."

After my parents' lies were uncovered and they were arrested, the Youngs were kind enough as to take me in and take care of me. I'm not sure if Chris somehow influenced that decision or not, but I'm grateful to them regardless. Despite me putting their son in danger, they've shown me nothing but kindness, which might be another reason why Chris having feelings for me just feels... weird.

"Regardless of that, we can have multiple families throughout our lives," my therapist continues. "First, we have our parents and blood relatives, but as we grow up, there are also people we're close with, then the loved ones we marry and start our own families with. Family isn't something that's fixed in stone and has only one meaning." I ponder over her words, but her voice interrupts me again. "Think about that until our next session."

I don't even realize how quickly time passed, because the session is already over, and I quickly get ready to leave her office. "Bye, Mrs. Adams!" I greet her and rush my shaky footsteps until I'm out on the street, soaking in the last lingering rays of fall sun. I take my phone out of my pocket and give a nervous glance to the screen. No new notifications.

I put it back into my pocket and continue forward, with the same old invisible gaze drilling holes into the back of my mind.

***

AHHHHH!!!

Okay. Breathe, Nina. Breathe. But WE'RE FINALLY DONE!!! I don't have that much to say here, so let's all proceed to the author's note, where I'll scream some more and throw my love and gratitude at readers (yes, you) :D