the hollands ; reader imagines

Confession || T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Warnings: cursing, angst to fluff

~

Your phone rang against the fabric of your pillow, the vibrations getting quieter as you roll over and throw the blankets over your head. Tom had been calling you all morning but talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do at the moment. In fact, you didn't want to talk to anyone, hence why you've barely left your room in the past two days.

Your phone starts to ring again and you groan in frustration before shutting it off and chucking it onto the floor. The pillow sinks underneath your head as you hold it close and curl up under the warmth of the blankets. Your curtain is parted about an inch and a line of sunlight seeps in from the window, the pink light curving against the bunched up bedding. You sniffle, wiping away a tear you didn't notice had fallen until it soaked the pillowcase. To be honest, you've done that a lot in the past 48 hours, but you try to ignore it by twisting your hand in the sunlight, feeling the warmth hit different parts of your skin.

You're about to drift into another restless dream when someone begins knocking on your front door. You scrunch your face, squeezing your eyes shut in hopes the person will go away. They don't. The knocking gets louder, bordering on pounding, when you throw your pillow towards the door of your bedroom.

"Go away!" you call out, just wanting to be alone.

The pounding continues, forcing you to slide out of bed and walk out into the kitchen. Your feet tingle as if they're asleep from not getting up in so long. If you had a choice you'd simply cover your head and let the knocking continue until the person got tired and left, but frankly you wouldn't be able to think with all that noise and more importantly, your neighbours would probably complain. So you pull the handle of the door, opening in the small inch the chain on the side allows and lean your head against the wall to peer out the slot.

Tom drops his hand, his eyes softening when he sees how both emotionally and physically exhausted you are.

"Oh, love" He whispers, his head cocking ever so lightly to the side.

"Tom why are you here?" The words burn against your dry throat.

"You haven't answered your phone in the last two days and no one's seen you since you left the bar the other night. I was worried, and from what I can see, I should be," Tom puts his hand on the door as if it will magically make the chain drop.

"Don't worry about me Tom, please just go home" you plead, closing your eyes as you roll your forehead against the wall.

"Y/N, I'm not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on"

You sigh, biting your lip as you shake your head, then push yourself off the wall and shut the door. You hesitate for a moment, staring at the small metal chain, contemplating whether to unlock it or not; but you know Tom would just start pounding again so, reluctantly, you slide the metal links off the bar and open the door once more. He moves through the doorway silently and shuts the door quietly behind him. You walk over to the couch to avoid his gaze and curl up in the corner, tucking your legs against your chest as you stare at the sleeve of your sweatshirt. The cushion dips slightly when he sits next to you, keeping space between the two of you as if he fears you might explode if he gets too close. His hands rub up and down on the fabric of his jeans and he looks around your apartment, trying to find the words to get you to open up. You bite gently on your inner lip in refusal to start the conversation and you notice the picture frame lying on the floor underneath the window. It's face down, small broken shards of glass glimmering against the wooden panels, but you know exactly what picture is underneath the frame. The image of you in mid laugh, arms wrapped around the one person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with, one leg bent slightly above the other as he lifted you into the air. It burns in your mind like a hot rock sitting in the middle of your brain, and you take a deep shaky breath in attempts to rattle it free from your thoughts.

"Y/N" Tom notices the frame you've been staring at, immediately recognizing which one it is. "You can talk to me, you know that right?"

You let out a laugh, leaning your head against the back of the couch as you look over at him, the smile quickly falling. "What if I just can't talk about it?" Your lip quivers. "Because when I try, it's like suddenly I can't breathe"

It hurt to even say those words, as if admitting you couldn't say it somehow made it even more real.

"Okay" He whispers, reaching out for your hand, "Hey, Y/N, it's okay. You don't have to say anything" He scoots closer to you and holds your hand gently in his, resting his other hand on top. "But if he hurt you-"

"Tom" you sigh, pulling away from him as you stand, quickly wiping a tear that fell as you moved.

"Y/N, I'm serious, okay? You're my friend, I need to know if he did something"

"He cheated on me" you confess, avoiding his gaze as you cross your arms.

When you finally look up, you watch his face go from shock to sadness to exasperation in a matter of seconds.

"Wh-he cheated?" His eyebrows scrunch in anger and he stands quickly. "Oh I'm gonna kill that son of a-"

"Tom, would you stop?" you plead, raising one arm to calm him down.

"Are you kidding me? You don't deserve that!"

"Tom! You said you came here listen so would you just fucking sit down and listen? Please?"

He stares at you for a moment and you try to ignore the hurt in his eyes before he nods and sits back down.

"I'm not mad at him. I know it doesn't look like it" you gesture to yourself, "But I'm not even mad about the breakup. In fact, I was relieved when he told me" you sigh, "Our relationship died a long time ago, this wasn't necessarily a punch in the gut or anything. I was actually happy because it meant that I had a chance to-" you stop, pursing your lips as you hold back the words that were about to slip.

"What hurt was the realization shortly after that what I was so relieved about, what I was so happy could happen, wouldn't. I had been holding this feeling in for so long, hiding behind my relationship and using it as an excuse to just ignore it. But now I don't even have that," you tremble, "All I have is this aching in my chest that won't go away. No matter what I do, it just won't go away"

You try your best not to break, closing your eyes and biting your lip. Before you can open them, you feel Tom's arms wrap gently around you and your face instinctively buries into his hoodie. He holds you in silence for a moment, trying his best to comfort you before he quietly asks you a question.

"Who is it?" You lift your head in confusion, wiping your cheek. "What?"

"Come on Y/N, I'm not dumb. You love someone else. Who is it?"

"You"

It comes out as a whisper, too fast for you to catch it, but you know he heard it because he pulls away a bit and his eyes grow with shock. You shake your head, wishing you could just take back the last 3 seconds, apologizing as you try to move away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I know you don't feel the same, I really shouldn't have-"

"Y/N" He smiles, his eyes beginning to tear up as he lifts your chin. "Why would you think I don't love you?"

"Harrison told me you had a date right after the breakup"

"No, Harrison wanted me to have a date. He kept trying to convince me to ask this one girl, he thought the more people he told the more I'd be convinced to do it but... I couldn't because she wasn't the one I liked"

He smiles, grabbing your hand and pulling you in, "You are"

He hesitates before kissing you, making sure you were okay with it before your lips met. You feel your heart flutter in your chest and you lift your arms over his neck, your hands dancing through his hair as your lips move with his. In an instance, the pain is gone and all you feel is overwhelming happiness. You were happy you were wrong, happy you let him in, happy that he was with you right now.

When you finally break, all you can do is laugh as Tom does the same.

"Thank you" you smile, "For what?"

"Coming here" He smiles and lifts his hands to the sides of your face, kissing your forehead, "Anything for you, my love."