His doll (You play, I play)

Chapter twenty one

Rules are important to keep order, they're important to keep from making mistakes and repeating them. I don't have a lot of rules, there's rarely anything I limit myself from. There are only two things – don't sleep with the same girl more than twice, and don't get attached.

I've broken the first rule, over and over again for the same doe cognac eyes. When I challenged her I knew she wasn't going to back down, and honestly I didn't even know what I was expecting from it – I know what I wasn't expecting though. I was not expecting to come home to her in lingerie mixed with my favorite colors. I was not expecting her to stand there in lingerie making my favorite dessert. I was not expecting to end up on my knees, yet the following events made it more than worth it.

Most of all, I did not expect to spend an entire week in my bed with the same cognac eyes and long soft brown hair next to me.

We've danced the same dance repeatedly for a week. Somewhere in the dance we forgot to stop, and now she's sleeping peacefully next to me after being awake the entire night. A small smile pulls on my lips when I see how exhausted she is. Amalie always thinks she's in control, and I let her – I let her because her control is my benefit. She had me on my knees, but shortly after she was on hers and I keep playing that scene on repeat. Her lips, her eyes, the soft touch.

Every day I've woken up, I've stretched out my hand and I've found her next to me. For some odd reason it doesn't annoy me though, and instead of planning how to get rid of her like all the others, I feel rather relaxed. I'm not sure if I like it, I know it's only sex but there's a part of me – the same part from two years ago, begging to just leave, begging to avoid what can lead into a disaster.

FLASHBACK
10 YEARS GO
"Aren't you going to ask me how I ended up on the streets?" I ask the boy who helped me.. He took me in about a month ago, he fed me and trained me, but he hasn't once asked me how I ended up there, I could be the worst human for all he knows but he hasn't bothered to ask a single question about my past.

He takes a bite of the red apple in his right hand and looks at me with a bored expression.
"No, not really." He says casually, "if you want to tell me I'll listen but I won't ask, your past doesn't define who you're going to be in the future, not unless you let it."
I look down, these words repeating in my head. Not unless you let it.

"I'll take a wild guess though" He speaks, taking another bite. I look up at him with confusions struck in my eyes, "You loved someone, and they failed you? They fucked you over?"
I gulp, "how?"
He lets out a humorless laugh, "because that's what love does amigo, it gives you expectations and makes you feel safe only to fuck you over and leave you alone and miserable." I had a feeling that he was speaking out of experience, yet I don't think his experience was the romantic love – I think he was failed by people that were supposed to love him from the day he was born but failed him just like me.

I don't say anything, thinking about my family and how no one reached out for an entire year makes me nauseous. I loved my family, they weren't perfect, but I cherished and clung into the few good moments because I thought that was enough. It wasn't. At least not for them.

Xander rises from his seat and throws his apple in the trash, then he turns around and says something that'll stick with me for the next years.

"Advice amigo, we weren't born to love. It's too late for me to save something that doesn't exist but by the looks of it, you still have a little heart beating in there," He looks out of the warehouse and at the man I've learned is his older brother, then back at me. "If you want to save it then learn to trust no one other than yourself, don't get attached to anyone except yourself because you'll always be stuck with you, you're the only permanent thing in your life, don't give anyone else that power."