I woke up with a blanket draped over me. I didn't remember getting comfortable last night, since I was in utter turmoil.
I remember locking the door and collapsing onto the bed, crying my eyes out until I drifted off.
Everything just hurt to talk about and admitting that I had a miscarriage to Colby sent me over the edge.
I wish I never told him because he was going to look at me differently. He was going to see me as a charity case more than he ever has before.
I didn't want that and I didn't want him going soft for me again. He left me when I needed him most and I would never forget that.
I would never get through the abandonment issues that were instilled in me.
The one person I have ever truly love, left me.
I wouldn't forget that.
After calling Colby I decided I wanted to take a long hot shower since I was actually getting to have some alone time.
It made me a little nervous being alone but apparently there was someone standing guard outside.
That made me possibly a little more nervous, but I didn't want to think about it too much.
I got in the shower and let the hot water calm my muscles. I didn't have anything fancy to use in the shower but just being able to relax was enough.
When I got out I towel dried my hair and got dressed into some comfortable clothes.
When I was walking out to the living room there was knock on the door, sending a chill down my spine.
I walked over and looked through the peep hole to see a guy standing in front of the door with a pizza.
I forgot Colby ordered me some food.
I opened the door to see the guy holding out the pizza, looking down.
It was almost like he was afraid to look at me.
"Thanks?" I said and took the box, going back into the apartment.
He didn't say anything, just turned back around as I shut the door.
"Fucking weirdos." I mumbled and went over to the couch.
I wasn't hungry so I put it on the table in front of me and grabbed the coloring book that was sitting next to it.
I let myself zone out, coloring in the coloring book. It was a good way to keep my mind off of everything.
I didn't want to think about anything because I had done enough crying to last me a lifetime.
I must have been really distracted because I jumped at the door opening, Colby coming into the apartment.
"Did I scare you?" He asked as I nodded. "Little bit." I said and looked at the bag in his hand.
"What's that?" I asked as he looked down.
"Oh, I thought you would want something other than the coloring book." He said and came over, putting the bag on the couch next to me.
"Just because I told you about..well...about you know what, doesn't mean you need be overly nice." I said and looked in the bag.
Inside were two canvases and a couple containers of paint and some pencils.
"Yeah, I know." Colby said and went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water.
"We do need to talk about it though." He said and undid the cap of the bottle, bringing it to his lips.
"Or we could not." I said and pulled my legs onto the couch.
