Psycho Mafia: BBB2

2

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We’re on night two of Mumbai—more delicious vadapav, but I've cream for dessert. I am mentally and physically exhausted, but I still have to clean up after dinner.

Satvi offers to help, but of course, I tell her no and take care of everything myself. She’s tired, too, so we call it a night.

Satvi goes to sleep, while I did my work. My phone lights up on the bed beside me. My gaze flickers to it, my brow creasing as I see a new text message and who it’s from. Abhinav Anand, an old friend of mine from school.

Before my entire life tore apart at the seams and it fell on me to single-handedly hold the pieces together, I used to hang out with Abhinav all the time. We were best friends, and I know he was hurt when I had to take a step back, but I could only spread myself so thin before I couldn’t even hold myself together anymore.

Something had to give, and unfortunately, it was Abhinav that needed me the least. I think about him often, especially when I see him at building, but we don’t talk much anymore.

I can’t even remember the last time he sent me a text message. Grabbing the phone, I touch the screen to brighten it so I can read her message without sliding it open.

It’s just one line: What are you doing?

In general, or right this moment? I slide the message open so I can type back. “Work. You?”

“Still?” she texts back.

“God, you must have got a late start.”

“Yeah, I was doing stuff with my bestie, Satvi,” I type back. “Oh, sure. How is she doing?”

“Pretty much the same. Just taking things one day at a time. How have you been?”

“I’m good,” he texts back.

“Really good tonight. I’m actually at this really cool party and I was wondering if you’d want to meet me here. We haven’t hung out in a while, and I’m sure you could use a break for some fun.”

I’m torn. It would be nice to see Abhinav again and hang out like old times, but I’m so tired. Plus, if I go over there I’ll be around other people. That means I have to shower again as soon as I get home, and just thinking about doing all of that when I’m already exhausted… I text back, “I wish I could, but it’s late and I still have a ton of work to do.”

“It is Friday,” he points out. “The work isn’t due until Monday. You can always do it over the weekend.” He knows I like to get my work out of the way on Friday night so I don’t have to think about work again until Monday, but it’s not just that.

Since most of my weekend time is already set aside to work and hang out with Satvi, I also need to get some sleep over the weekend. That’s when I catch up so I can function throughout the week.

I’m always worn down by Friday night. If I go to this party to see her, that means no work gets done tonight. That means I have to do all of it tomorrow, so I’ll have to stay up late again, which means I get zero hours of extra sleep this weekend.

This is why I let the friendship go in the first place. I do not have time for it. But, despite all my good reasons, I feel guilty about telling him no.

Even though I tried explaining to Abhinav that it wasn’t personal, I know he took it that way. Why wouldn’t I hang out with him if I truly wanted to? He doesn’t understand that I’m stretched so thin I feel see-through, and I literally can’t juggle one more ball, no matter how much I might want to. I don’t expect her to understand what life is like for me now, though.