THALIA

65. Self sabotage

• MATTEO •

Seeing my sister look so scared, so hurt, so broken, kills me.

I fucking did this.
It was my fault.
My mistake.
My cowardliness.

I want to die.

The guilt is too much. Everything's closing in on me, trapping me, holding me hostage.

So when I look at her now, wet cheeks, bloodshot eyes and a quivering lip, i want someone to punch me, torture me, break me.

Dad said he forgives me.

I don't care.

I don't forgive me. Nobody should.

Warren looks between us and my sister. Confusion etched on his face.

So she's dating Warren. I'm glad she had somebody and that she wasn't completely alone, stranded with the evil that she may call her thoughts.

Dad steps forward, "Thalia..."

"Go," she pleads.

"Can't do that, sweetheart." Dads voice cracks. His voice never cracks.

"Please, go." She sobs.

My Dad looks on the verge of breaking. On the verge of... nothingness.

Each times she pleads us to go I grow another mental wound. Her words stab right where it hurts.

"Thalia, we just wanna talk.."

"No, we can't." Her voice breaks and she sniffles.

It feels like an invasion seeing her like this. She was always so...chill. Relaxed.

Not now. Now she looks like she's fighting the devil.

My dad takes another step closer.

"Go."

Dad doesn't listen. He crouched down in front of her, and then she just...breaks. The ball drops.

Thalias eyes hold so much guilt until that guilt gets replaced with an infilled void. Emptiness. Nothingness. Vacancy.

"Just fuck. Off. Go home. Go away. I don't want to talk. I don't want to hear anyone out. I want to be alone. Please. Go."

Did she find out I lied?

She left because we aren't related (thought we weren't), I thought it was on relatively good terms though. How did she find out? Or is she mad about something different? Or just mad?

I can see Dad face because his back is to us, but I know it can't be anything good. "We aren't going anywhere, Sweetheart." He does a good job at sounding calm, relaxed. If you know him, you'd know he's anything but.

Venom fills Thalias voice, "fuck off. I hate you. I never want to see you again." And then she stands up, pushes her way through me and my brothers - her brothers - and walks off. Leaving heartbreak in her spot.

Warren and Dad stand up.

"What happened with you guys? How do you know each other?"

Dad wipes his eyes, "she's my daughter."

Warrens definitely caught off guard. "I didn't know you had a... sister." He directs that at me and my brothers.

Dom smiles bitterly, "neither did we."

"Why is she so.. mad? What did you do?"

A sharp sting erupts on the back of my neck. I don't bother rubbing it, I deserve that.

"This dick said she wasn't." Dom clips.

Warren casts his gaze to me, confusion evident on his golden boy features. "I - what?!"

I don't know what happens. I punch him. I. Punch. Warren.

Someone pulls my back by my neck.

And then my face twists to the right.

Keep it coming
Keep it coming
Keep it coming

"You're a little shit. No wonder your mother doesn't love you." I tell him, prodding the anger in him.

My face twists to the right.

Keep it coming
Keep it coming
Keep it coming

"Not surprised your the least favourite kid. I mean what the fuck can you do? Flaunt your money? Fuck girls? Drink booze and act like your this king all because you got Daddies name?"

I expect another punch but I don't get that.

No no no no

Keep it coming
Keep it coming
Keep it coming

It has to keep coming

Instead I get a pair of brown eyes, a shade darker than usual, in my face. Warren shakes his head. "Fuck you." He snarls, shoves me, then bolts out the door.

Dom sound me around and grips my shoulder tightly. "Bro, stop feeling guilty. Quit it. You're self sabotaging, stop it. We forgave you. We moved on. Why are you still living in the fucking past? Get your head out the gutter and move. The fuck. On."

Doms always been the self sabotager. The one who says shit so that people get mad at him. He will treat you like dog shit so that he gets the same in return. He seriously doesn't believe he deserves good. Every time  I witness him pushing people away, I want to kill his demons. I want to strangle them and stab them and punch them profusely.

So now, I look at myself and think: if we were in reversed positions, I would forgive Dom. I would hate to see my brother beat himself up about this shit. I would hate it.

I lift my head up tiredly, my shoulders are holding too much baggage. My eyes are bloodshot and I can feel a future bruise forming.

I go to speak but I can't.
I cry.
I sob.
I shake.
In my twin brothers arms. Because I want his comfort. And I need him. And I love him. I love him so fucking much it hurts sometimes. Because he's so messed up in the head and I watch him go through shit that he doesn't deserve. That nobody deserves.

I'd kill for him. I'd die for him. I'd live for him.

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A/n

Pretty heavy one.

Thoughts?

Personally, I forgive him. Never even hated the poor lad.

And Matteo and Dom r so cute