Fight Before the Visit

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Despite being happy that Leah and I were back on track, I struggled to separate my hatred for my job from my life at home, and it showed. I had never wanted to end up at Campbell's; it was nothing about the people, even if they were a little pretentious; it just wasn't my place, and I knew that from the feeling of dread that washed over me every morning. Leah had been great, constantly sending me things to cheer me up in the mornings or holding me for those extra few seconds before I got out of bed on the mornings I was with her. I was frustrated though, frustrated at myself mostly. I wanted nothing more than to take the firm back, but it was hard to feel secure enough to do that when Leah and I weren't long back on track. The more she didn't mention it, the more I thought she felt unstable in this too; it was classic overthinking, but to me it made perfect sense.

"Are you completely useless? Uh - yeah - uh - um. What the fuck was that about?"

Mr. Casey was right, I was meant to represent him, but instead I stuttered and stammered my way through the last five minutes of court. It wasn't for no reason, though; a piece of evidence that I was due to present wasn't in my folder. I always had my folders organised. I couldn't tell him that; I knew I had to think of something to cover my disorganised tracks.

"Mr. Casey, I have asked you multiple times not to swear at me. Yes, I had a slight issue with my speech due to feeling a little dizzy; hence, I asked for the early lunch." I said sternly, hoping to stop him from asking questions.
"This is my life on the line. Remember that." He grunted.
"Enjoy your lunch; I'll see you back here shortly."

I swiftly exited the room and practically ran to my car, calling Leah as I opened the door and threw myself into the seat.

"Soph - aren't you in court?"
"I am. Did I leave any papers there?"
"No, hold on - I'll have a look."

I could hear Leah rummaging around in the background.

"No, Soph. All ok?"
"I've lost a piece of evidence. How do I tell Campbell that I've lost a piece of fucking evidence?" I huffed.
"Don't you guys back those things up?" Leah said reassuringly, but I was too far gone.
"Yes, but then he'll know my folder isn't organised. He'll know I'm shit at my job. He'll know I fucking hate every fucking day being fucking employed by these fucking people."
"Oh Soph. We can talk about the job later, I don't want you to be in a state to go back into court. Do you want me to go round and check your place for you?"

Leah was being kind, caring, and attentive—everything I had asked her to be. Of course, in this moment, all I could think about was losing a court document. I began to feel angry at myself for being so careless, for allowing myself to care more about seeing Leah than looking after my own career.

"We'll just have to do weekends from now on for the staying over thing. I can't have this split between two houses thing. It's really stressing me." Silence followed my statement for a few seconds.
"Whatever you need, Soph." Leah said quietly.
"I'll call you later. I love you."
"I love you, Soph. Don't forget it."

I ate my lunch in my car that day, not wanting to mingle with the other legal representatives who had all probably heard about my inability to speak earlier. Suddenly, my car door flung open, and I was greeted by Edward Campbell, the senior partner in the firm, staring down at me.

"Eating in your car?" He said it with disgust in his face.
"Yes. I brought a packed lunch."
"Hm. Anyway, how's it going today?" Fuck.

Choose honesty, Sophie.

"I seem to have misplaced a document, so the last few minutes of my presentation to the jury were scrappy." I gulped.
"What document? How can you misplace a document?"
"I'm in between houses currently, moving. Yeah, I'm moving." Good job with the honesty, Sophie.
"I see. What document?" He grumbled.
"Telephone mass data. Prosecution tried to have it removed, but I have a contact -"
"I removed it."
"Sorry? You removed it from my file?"
"Yes. You seem to think of nothing but the clients. If you present that, what will the judge do?"
"Hopefully, throw it out of court!"
"Exactly."
"Exactly." I repeated attitude in my voice.
"Having things thrown out on the first day doesn't make us money, Sophie." He tutted.
"So what do I do? Hold onto something and risk an innocent man going to prison? I'm sorry, but I just cannot -"
"Irrelevant. You are no longer working for yourself, Sophie. You don't make those decisions; I make them. If I say no to evidence, then it is a no. Don't go behind my back to your contacts again, understood?"
"But I -"
"Do you understand?"
"Yes. Sorry, Edward."
"Good. Glad that's sorted. I'll leave you to get back to your lunch."

I waited until he was far enough off in the distance before I let out a scream. I had just thrown a bomb at Leah about not staying there anymore due to losing documents that I hadn't even lost. And all that shit about making cases go on for longer to make money? Before I had time to think about anything else, my alarm went off, signalling time to head back inside. I sent Leah a quick message, knowing I had probably ruined her day as much as my own. You've won cases with less evidence, Sophie. Come on.

Sophie
Sorry for being in a huff earlier, I'm just feeling really stressed. Can I see you later?

Leah
Don't apologise, I get it. Do you even need to ask?

— — — —

By the time I pulled up to Leah's, it was already dark outside, my wipers were on the highest setting, and my face was bright red from the excessive heat I had blasted for the entire journey. As I got out of the car, Leah was standing at the car door with an umbrella above her head, moving it forward slightly to ensure I didn't get wet. It really is the little things. I walked alongside her into the hallway, noticing how on edge she seemed, almost like she didn't know how to be with me. We both kicked our shoes off, with Leah lifting a throw from the top of the radiator to wrap around us on the sofa.

"Did you heat that for me coming?" I chuckled.
"Yeah, I knew you'd be cold." Leah smiled, still seeming uneasy.
"I'm sorry for earlier; I didn't mean it."
"We said we had to communicate, right?" Leah sighed.
"Yes, we did. Is something wrong?"
"Not wrong, no. I'm afraid that it will be if I bottle things up. I said I wouldn't do that anymore, and I want to mean it."
"Okay, talk to me."

I held my arms out to her, wanting her to know that it was safe to talk and that I wouldn't be running out again. I felt her body relax, her arms snaking around my neck, and her head resting on my shoulder.

"I'm kind of afraid to say this because I don't want you to think it's anything you are doing wrong or that it's because of today. It's my issue, and I am trying to deal with it, but it's just taking me a little while." She began.
"I won't make any assumptions, I promise. I'm not going anywhere, Le."
"I feel a bit like I'm walking on eggshells, like I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing. I promise I'm trying, like really trying. When you said today that you didn't want to stay here anymore during the week, I felt like my heart had been broken in two, but I just said that's fine. I told you I would communicate better, but then today I felt like you needed me to be fine with it, so I said I was. Now I don't know if that was right or wrong. How do I communicate if communicating starts an argument or hurts you? But what if I don't communicate and hurt you too?" Her words were frantic.
"Right now you're communicating. Telling me you don't know what to say is communicating. There's no right or wrong way to do this, Le. We just both have to keep talking until it works, and it will work. I know it will, and I know you know that too. Telling me something is okay until you process it, and then telling me it isn't okay when you know it isn't—that's okay. As long as you tell me with your words instead of sending me signals."

Leah didn't say anything; she simply smiled and held me close. That was enough to tell me everything she wanted to say. We lay contently together for a while before any more words were exchanged.

"Le?"
"Yeah?"
"I was wondering if I could stay here this weekend? Maybe bring some of my things around? Just with Liv coming over, I thought it would be nice for us to all be together under one roof."

I watched as Leah's smile grew; she licked her lips gently before she answered, making me hold in a breath in preparation for her answer.

"I would really love that, Soph."
"Me too." I said as I interlocked our hands.
"Communication time... Are you taking your things back when Liv goes home?" Leah whispered.
"No, I wasn't planning on it. I'll still stay home some nights at first, but I'll stay here most nights. If that's okay with you?"
"That sounds amazing and like everything I've wanted."

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