Slow Slide to the End

Chapter 11

Tonight was their fifth date and Payu was just finishing making dinner. They had decided to start with going on dates and slowly start spending time together again. They had started with lunches together during breaks in Rain's school day and the last one was spent at the movie theater. Nighttime phone calls and constant texting were also a newly reestablished habit for them.

But Payu was nervous for tonight because Rain would be spending the evening at his house, having dinner, and watching a few episodes of a show they had stopped watching before all this had happened. Payu was wracked with indecision about so many aspects of the evening before him. After dinner, should they watch tv downstairs on the sofa or should he suggest they go upstairs? They usually watched movies or tv together in their bed, but Payu worried that would make Rain uncomfortable. He didn't want Rain to think he had any expectations for the evening. They had hugged many times over the past few weeks but hadn't progressed past that. He was waiting for Rain to initiate their first kiss and he was slowly being driven mad waiting for it to happen. He desperately wanted to get his hands and lips on Rain but knew he had to wait for Rain to be ready.

Payu heard the door open and knew Rain had arrived. He turned to see Rain making his way to him with a wide smile.

"Hi P'Payu. How was your day?"

"Hi monkey. To be honest, it was pretty frustrating. I'm still trying to catch up with work I'd fallen behind in. But, I've made some progress and P'Mhok seems to be happier with me again. How was yours?"

"Are you okay at work though? Will you need to start staying late again?" Rain asked and Payu could hear the nervous tone in Rain's words. Payu knew his words had brought Rain's fear of neglect to the surface and quickly moved to reassure his sweet boy.

"No. No working late, I promise. I'm managing to catch up without working overtime. But Rain, even if I did need to work more, I'd schedule it when you wouldn't notice. Back when I used to work late on the nights you'd study with Sky. Okay? I promise," he assured Rain. Rain nodded and Payu noticed the tension leave Rain's shoulders and Payu moved to change the subject.

"So, back to you. How was your day?" Payu tried again.

"Boring. I'm really not liking my professor, he's so boring. Ugh. I've been having..." Payu noticed Rain hesitate and then look down, cheeks red.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Payu asked him. He watched Rain hesitate then begin to speak.

"Well, he's been so boring that I've been having trouble paying attention. And maybe, sometimes, I've been falling asleep. Sky keeps kicking me and poking me to wake me up and I try. I really do! But, I'm not doing a very good job at it," Rain admitted while looking at his feet.

Payu walked over and put his hands on Rain's shoulders.

"Hey, look at me. Rain. Look at me," Payu said softly. Rain slowly lifted his head.

"You are such a good boy for being honest and telling me that. Maybe over dinner we can think of some ways to help keep you focused. Hmm?" Payu moved his hands up onto Rain's cheeks and placed a kiss on his forehead, trying to reassure Rain that he wasn't mad.

"Okay, P'Payu. Thank you," Rain answered before leaning in to wrap his arms around Payu and lay his head onto his chest.

Everytime Rain hugged him, Payu felt like he could barely breathe. He had a hard time putting into words how much he had missed physical contact with Rain. Now, when Rain offered it, Payu wasn't sure how he remained standing. He wanted to tackle Rain to the ground and smother his boy.

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Rain knew that after the dishes were done, he'd have to make a decision. He knew Payu wouldn't do it. Rain was aware that, currently, he was having to make all the decisions in their relationship. He knew that Payu was trying to make him feel comfortable, and he appreciated that, but it was starting to annoy him. He didn't want to constantly be making decisions. Decisions made him anxious; constantly worried if he was making the wrong ones. He missed Payu's quick judgment and being able to let go of so many trivial things that he just didn't have room for in his brain.