(18+)
"We shouldn't, your son is my fiancé." I whispered sounding unsure and very hostile.
He watched me carefully with his dark blue eyes before tilting his head gently to the right, the same blue eyes that had just watched me undress a couple minu...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
A blanket was wrapped around my shaky body, my face was covered in bandages and stitches. The parking lot was filled with plenty of police cars and ambulances, I inhaled the cool air and immediately felt free like I could truly make my own decisions.
My brother sat next to me with a blanket of his own, my head gently pressed against his shoulder.
"Are we going to be okay?" I asked.
He exhales very shakily, his hands locked together as he fidgeted with his thumbs. "We're going to be okay, as long as we have each other."
I nod my head, I wanted to cry in pure happiness, or maybe because everything that's happened has made me so emotional.
"There are witnesses that saw it was self-defense." He said, I nodded my head. "Kaz vouched for me."
I got quiet, maybe too quiet that my brother turned slightly to look at me. "He's a good man, and he deserves way better than me."
"Maybe or maybe you just need to heal before being able to love." My brother says, his eyes found his wife's, and I know that he was implying that he healed before loving her.
We both stared at Jules who was talking to some officers about her dad, she had Enzo wrapped in a blanket against her chest not wanting to let him go not even for a second. She's a good mother, and the best thing for my brother and I hate that it took so long to realize that.
I smiled softly. "I'm happy you found her and Enzo."
He sniffed, and his eyes became watery with my acceptance. "You are?"
"Of course, you deserve to be loved and you're an amazing father." I said, my voice cracking. "You've always been, you raised me and loved me when no one else did."
We both turned to look at each other, his thumb softly stroking my chin with a smile gracing his lips. "It wasn't hard at all, baby sister." He replied.
Our foreheads touch, and having a sibling bond is never easy yet ours was almost instant. My eyes slowly shut as the wind blew against our cheeks, and his hand rubbed up and down against my arm. When we were kids we were always together even as adults it was hard to stay away from each other, he's my best friend and the only father I've ever had.
"Is this a goodbye? Because it feels like one." He whispered, quietly.
Tears trickled down my cheeks, a sad smile appeared on my lips as my head nodded. "It's not a goodbye, it's a see you later."
He softly wiped away my tears, his smile was comforting, as it always is. My eyes opened, a single tear trailing down his cheek. "Promise me you'll find happiness, no matter the cost." He said.
"I promise, big brother." I whispered under my breath.
"Okay then, I'll see you later."
It wasn't a goodbye, I need to heal myself before I could ever try to be happy. Everything that's happened to me has only caused me pain, the people that haven't deserve to truly get to know me. I've never been happy, I might act like it or say I am but I've never experienced it because of the abuse I've been through.
I wasn't even aware I wanted a future till today, till the monster in my nightmares disappeared. My whole life I've been outside of my body watching everything, feeling every punch, every slap, every kick, every heartbreak. I've been dead for a while but now, I want to live for myself and no one else.
It's worth fighting for, no matter the cost.
We finally arrived at the house, my mom hasn't said a word and neither had Audrey. I took a warm shower making sure to wash away all my dried blood before drying my hair and body. I pulled my suitcase out from underneath the bed and packed all of my belongings, I took my time too.
I wrote Bodhi's name on the envelope, it was a letter apologizing for everything and explaining why I could never love him. I placed it on top of his desk along with my ring, and a huge wave of relief flooded inside my body.
The door opened, and my wet hair soaked my shirt causing me to shiver slightly. Kaz walked inside and closed the door behind him, his eyes trailed down my body till he reached the suitcase sitting near my feet.
"You're leaving?" He asked.
"I can't stay here anymore." I responded.
He shakes his head while slowly walking closer to me, his hand touched mine. "Larisa and I both agreed to co-parent, Talitha. I just want you."
"I want you on your worse days, your good days even the days you think you hate yourself the most."
Tears filled my eyes, this is harder than I thought it'd be especially with the speech he gave. "I don't know what I want, I've never had the freedom to choose." I said.
"What do you mean?" He asked, his hooded eyes caught mine and for a second it felt like I could breathe again.
"What I mean is that I'm not even sure if I love you, because I don't even love myself," I said, softly. "and I feel like that's something I should know."
He didn't say anything because he knew I was right, his lips tightened together with invisible words.
"I need time to heal and find myself before I could love anyone, and you deserve to find someone who will love just as fiercely as you love me." I whispered, tears trickling down my cheeks.
"What if I don't want anyone else?"
"You'll eventually find someone." I said.
He shakes his head like he was upset to even think about loving someone else one day, I hated that feeling maybe more than he did. "Will you come back when you're ready?" He asked, very hesitantly.
"Of course, I will. You're the only one for me, that I'm sure of." I replied. "I'm just not ready now and I don't know if I'll ever be ready."
I just want to love him the same way he loves me and I physically and mentally can't right now, I need to grow and find myself without defining myself as my family. I never realized this before because he's such a safe space for me but I need to find that space on my own, and it hurts that it isn't with him anymore.
"Where will you go?" He asked, I could see the pain in his eyes as he cleared his throat.
"Seattle, I heard there's a good photography school over there." I said. "I've always loved taking photos, I just wasn't allowed to."
"I know you'll do amazing there." He smiled, sadly. His hand crawled up to my cheek, as his eyes watched me in the most loving way possible.
"And I'll wait for you, for as long as it takes."
I went on my tippy toes, and our eyes both stared into each other's like it was the last time because it might be. My hands trapped his cheeks before gently pressing my lips against his forehead, and my eyes fluttered close when his skin touched mine. I stayed there for a bit before it was difficult to pull away, my heart bleeds for him and I know that his bleeds for me.
"Goodbye, Kaz." I murmured under my breath, my voice fanned against his forehead. This wasn't a 'see you later' because I don't if I'll ever come back, I've been through a lot for the word 'love.'
I pulled away before he could say anything else I exited the room with my suitcase dragging behind me. If I let him say goodbye then it'll feel way too real, I'd change my mind an instinct. I need time, I need it way more than I need him and that's my brutal truth.
