His First Strike | ✎

⚾︎| chapter thirty seven

CHRISTIAN IRWIN
hey, you! don't be a silent reader:)

"Then maybe we should take a break."

They say it takes longer for your heart to accept something that your brain already knows. My heart didn't merely stop beating or drop after that sentence. It completely shattered.

"Dude slow the fuck down." Dallas plead from the passenger seat. My hold on the steering wheel became more firm. "Christian..."

"Stop talking, Dallas. Fuck!" I yelled out. I felt awful after saying that. I felt awful for grabbing him by his collar. I feel awful for Kelani.

My vision is completely obscured by the rain and the water that is filling my eyes. "Fuck I can't breathe." I put my hand on my chest and grit my teeth. "It hurts." I pull over on the side of the road.

"Because I want to do this. I can't let someone get in the way."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." I sob over and over again.

Dallas immediately puts the jeep in park for me and scans the area.

"I can't breathe." I repeat. "Why, why did she do it." I swallow holding back my tears.

I've never been like this, over a girl. I've always shrugged it off, I never cared about someone leaving me, someone walking out of my life but Kelani; she's a special girl, a girl you can't forget. 

I hold my head in my hands. I feel Dallas's eyes on me, I'm crying. "Ah fuck my heart aches right now." I struggle to say through sobs. "Breathe. Come on, breathe in and out. You're okay, I swear you're okay." Dallas consoles, "It's okay, everything will be alright." He continues as he pats my back.

What is this?

I breathe in and out just like he instructed, but as I attempt to take a deep breathe, my body trembles.

"It hurts, Dallas."

"What hurts?"

"Everything. I should've been more protective over her, especially with Blake around." I struggle to breathe. "She fell back into the place she didn't want to be, again."

He lets out a breath, "Okay, Christian, please try again." My body trembles as I attempt again and again. My heart eventually starts to slow down. I manage to get my breathing under control.

"I want to see her." That's all I wanted.

"Christian you can't." He grumbled, "Give her time. You need time."

"What if she hates me because of this, what if she hates me because I tried holding her back from what she wanted to do?" My handshakes as I reach for a water bottle.

Dallas shakes his head, "Don't even fucking say that she loves you, Chris. She never sugar coats shit like that, and I know that for a fact. One thing about Kelani is that if she doesn't like you, she'll tell you." He stops for a second, "She's told you many times that she loves you."

I let his sentence repeat over and over in my head.

The rain is soothing, it's making me feel even better. I don't know how I managed before, but I can't live without her.