𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 | 𝐃.𝐌

Chapter Fourty: Victoria

MATURE WARNING: MENTION OF BODY DYSMORPHIA, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, DEATH

A/N: While this can be triggering for some readers, this chapter is very important for the rest of the story along with what has been built up so far. If you don't continue with this chapter, I advise you to read the summary at the bottom of the chapter.

VICTORIA'S POV:

Pansy and I were talking before Moon came back into our dorm.

"What did he say?" Pansy asks as she looks up at Moon.

It's hard being in love with someone you can't have.

As Blaise and I grew up together, I felt nothing but love for him. We dated during our third and fourth year of Hogwarts and he ended things in the summer going into our fifth. He didn't give me an exact reason but I knew it was because of his parents.

His parents hated that he was dating a half-blood and not a pure blood like him.

I wish that I could be enough for him. When he started dating Pansy after Draco that was enough for me. I couldn't control if I was a half-blood. Like I'm going to blame my dead mom. Then he got with a girl who was everything his parents wanted.

I wasn't enough for him or anyone.

I gave all of myself to everyone I've ever loved or cared for but I never got the same in return.

It's hard living my life sometimes. I wouldn't blame it all on the breakup, but that's just part of it.

I just wanna stop hating myself as much as I do.

Everyday is an endless cycle of emptiness. I don't want to hang out with anyone other than Moon, Blaise, Draco, and Pansy. They're the only ones that make me happy. Draco and I used to be better friends before he kept teasing about the breakup. He's an asshole but he's still a friend.

I don't even know what's really wrong.

All of it, I guess.

"Hey Vic, we're gonna go down and eat dinner. Are you coming?" Moon asks sweetly.

I couldn't.

"I'm still full from that butterbeer but you guys go along." I respond, trying to urge her and Pansy to go down together.

I'd love to know what happened with Moon and Draco, but I can't go down there.

I'm extremely fat.

I was 46 kilograms. It didn't look like much to everyone else, but to me, I felt bigger than everyone around me. Every time I looked in the mirror, I just saw skin and fat. Too much. I dreaded when I needed to eat.

After every meal, I'm surrounded by an enormous amount of guilt.

I just wanted to be skinner. I wasn't fat but I was bigger than I should be.

Growing up in comparison to my older sister, I was always left out.

She's not even really my sister. I'm adopted. It's really weird because if they didn't like me so bad then why did they get me?

"Why can't you be more like Nymphadora?"

The same words were always said. Luckily, when my adoptive mother died, most of the comparisons stopped. That was only a couple years ago. I've had to live with that comparison for Twelve years.

I just want to be loved.

I don't even understand why they adopted me in the first place.