Gyomei x Reader

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Thanks @ItsKaiden for the request!
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Gyomei POV

I have yet to meet a sweeter guy than y/n.  His kindness knew no bounds and the happiness he carried with him could lift anyone's spirits.  Everyone seemed to brighten up when he was near, myself included.  He was the type of guy to ask you how your day was, to listen to your troubles and give you small gifts to put a smile on your face.  God bless his beautiful soul for being the greatest man to live. 
    
"Gyomei!  I found a rosary in town and thought of you so I wanted to check in and see how you're doing."  My head lifted at the sound of y/n's cheery voice.  He stood near the doorway, a smile on his face based on the tone of his voice.  His beauty was not only on the outside, from what others have told me, but on the inside as well, a perfect balance. 
    
"I've been good lately.  I've recently returned from my last mission that went successfully," I nodded towards him.  It might've been merely a breeze but the room seemed to darken for only a moment.  The slight shift in energy was quickly replaced with the gentleness of before. 
    
"That's great to hear!  I'm proud of you Gyomei.  I've also got a gift for you," y/n stated as he stepped nearer.  A box was slid into my hands, the softness of y/n's skin lingering for a moment.  I tilted my head in curiosity as I opened the lid.  Feeling the beads, I already knew what it was before he could even explain. 
    
"A rosary!  I'm not sure if you use specific ones or if there are different types but like I said, it reminded me of you," he explained cheerily.  Warmth swirled in my chest as I raised the rosary over my head to place around my neck. 
    
The box was gingerly taken from my hands before arms wrapped around me.  The gesture surprised me but I returned y/n's sudden embrace.  His head rested against my shoulder and I desperately wished I could see his expression. 
    
"Y/n?" I quietly asked.  He instantly pulled away as if avoiding my unspoken question.  It made me slightly concerned but the tone in his voice didn't slip once. 
    
"Sorry but I have a mission that I need to prepare for.  Have a great rest of your day!" he happily stated.  I heard his footsteps retreat, leaving me behind to touch my new rosary and focus on the remaining warmth from his embrace.

Y/n POV

It's been weeks and weeks and I'm still failing.  I'm worthless, hopeless.  Nothing I do matters when so many lives have been ruined because of me.  I can't fight properly, can't use breathing techniques, can't even slay a demon without someone swooping in to save me. 
    
How am I still alive?  I should've died long ago so why am I still going?  If it wasn't for this guilt just for living, I wouldn't even be here trying to prove I'm worthy to breathe.  It wasn't fair that I've been allowed to live on when so many others have perished due to my inept abilities. 
    
I wanted to scream, to break something.  Lately I've been retreating farther and farther from my friends, from everyone.  I can't even be the person who brings joy anymore with the anxiety and depression swirling through me, threatening to suffocate me. 
    
If I left would anyone even realize?  Have they given up on me yet?  It's only a matter of time anyways.  This mask I've been wearing will only last so long until my despair bleeds through.  I'm not who I was anymore. 
    
I trudged through the snow, blood dripping from my haori onto the pristine white ground as I made my way to my room with a heavy heart.  Luckily, I haven't bumped into anyone so they don't have to see my pained attempt at happiness for their benefit. 
    
Tears pricked at my eyes as I slammed open the door to the boarding house.  No one should be here anyways so I slammed my sword against a nearby wall, my teeth grinding as I screamed in frustration and failure. 
    
Continuing my small rampage, I kicked over chairs, punched the walls and yelled to my heart's content.  I waited for the numbness to kick in but it didn't and so I kept going, becoming more frantic as the minutes ticked by.  It wasn't until I heard the door open that I stopped to turn around and confront the unwanted visitor. 
    
"Y/n?  What are you doing?" Gyomei asked quietly.  More tears spilled down my face as I tried to collect myself.  At least he couldn't see what a mess I was.  I could still lie myself out of this but I had to compose my emotions. 
    
"I'm perfectly fine!  About to go to bed actually, I'm tired," I tried to cheerily respond but my voice wavered.  Clenching my fists, I took a deep breath.  There was no way Gyomei would buy that lie, he wasn't stupid.  I just desperately wanted to be fine. 
    
"You've been acting differently lately, being quieter and keeping to yourself more.  Ever since that day when you gave me the rosary you've been having moments where you don't feel comfortable talking," he delicately stated.  I bit my tongue to keep my teeth from chattering as I trembled.  I've been hoping that my real emotions were hidden but perhaps I wasn't as sneaky as I had thought. 
    
"I told you I'm fine," I huffed, a snappy tone in my voice.  It was a warning that I didn't want to do this.  Gyomei didn't care though as he stepped closer to me, his hand raising to grab mine.  I wanted to pull away from the contact but his grip was firm, his thumb rubbing over the back of my hand soothingly. 
    
"Saying you're fine and being fine are two different things.  It's about time we talked," he whispered to me.  It wasn't a question but a demand and so I let him guide me slowly to my room where he sat on my bed, patting the spot beside him.  Something in my chest clenched at what promised to be an intimate conversation. 
    
Still slightly shaky, I sat beside Gyomei with my hands fidgeting in my lap.  He turned his head to face me, his usual tears running down his face as my own rolled over my skin.  Everything felt like too much, this grief and guilt, and yet being near Gyomei made me feel anchored.
    
"Something is happening with your missions, isn't it?" he guessed.  Something vile slid up my throat as I desperately pushed it back down.  The images of bloody bodies flashed in my head, making me shake my head to try to erase the traumatizing pictures. 
    
"I'm not strong enough to save anyone," I cried, wrapping my arms around myself while saying the statement out loud.  It finalized the disgusting truth.  There was no taking back what was out in the open. 
    
Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me to Gyomei's chest.  I didn't fight the contact, only falling into the kind gesture willingly.  He provided me with warmth in more ways than one that made my face heat up.  His hand rested on my head, stroking my hair gently as I sniffled. 
    
"You're good enough for me, for everyone.  You don't see the weight of the light you carry until it's extinguished.  We all have expected too much from you and it's not fair to put those expectations on you," he whispered softly.  My tears fell harder as Gyomei held me tighter.  It felt so good to let myself go after holding myself together for so long. 
    
"Thank you," I mumbled against his chest.  He only hummed in response, moving his hand to trace circles against my back.  It made me feel like I could be the same happy person as before, all I needed was time and Gyomei.

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