Boulevard to Polaris (Virago Series #1)

and the embraces of him

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CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
and the embraces of him

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Because of that missing person, Gazer decided to be with me the whole day even though he has a lot of amends to run as the supervisor of the island. I told him na unahin niya muna ro'n lalo na't magiging ayos din naman ako sa chatel pero mapilit siyang bantayan ako at huwag iwan mag-isa.

We spent the whole day in my chatel then. Parang gaya lang noon na palagi kaming nagr-relax sa condo ko. Hindi gaya nga lang noon na magkalayo kami sa sofa, ngayon ay parang hindi kami mapaghiwalay. Or more like, he doesn't want to be separated with me as much as I am to him.

"Bakit mugto pala ang mata mo kanina? I'm hesitant to ask since the reason might be me, but now that you're letting me hug you like this, I think that's not the case." Kapagkuwa'y tanong niya habang nanonood kami ng Netflix. Humigpit din ang yakap niya sa'kin.

"And I'm not pressuring you to answer! Just take it easy. Ayos lang kung hindi mo muna sagutin. Maghihintay ako." Pahabol niya pa.

I can't help but smile as I was inside his embrace. He's obviously taking it easy on me, worried that one wrong move might make me push him away. And God knows how much I wanted to assure him that it won't happen again. I am true to my words, after all.

Umiling ako, "I just read my Mom's diary last night. That's why..."

Napatahimik siya pero nang ilang sandali pa ay hinarap niya ako't mahigpit na hinawakan sa kamay, "I'm sorry, love."

I smiled, "It's fine now, Gaze. Truth be told, I still can't swallow the truth, but I know I just need time. Especially for the both of us."

Natigilan siya, lumamlam ang tingin niya sa'kin, "I'm really sorry... that I took matters in my own hands. I really just don't want to surprise you with the truth I acquire knowing that nothing matters to you more than your family. And I don't mean my feelings as an excuse, I really am at fault for keeping the truth away from you. Naging duwag ako, Ast. Naisip ko na baka tuluyang hindi tayo magtagpo ulit kapag nalaman mo ang totoo hanggang sa napagisip-isip ko na mali ang ginagawa ko. Sobrang mali."

He looked at me with guilt in his eyes, "I really am so sorry for selfishly doing all of those. I don't want you to forgive me just because I have a reason. Don't do that, love."

I held his hand.

"It wasn't even your responsibility to tell me the truth. Sumama lang talaga ang loob ko kasi hindi mo agad sinabi sa'kin. But I do get your reasons, Gaze," Ngumiti ako, "You have always been this way. Takot kang magsalita lagi. Ayaw mong magpaalam anong bumabagabag sa'yo kasi mas gusto mong ikaw tatapos ng dapat gawin. It should even be me who's telling you to communicate with me."

He chuckled, "Then this is the start of it. We should just communicate with each other. Not just that, but understand each other better than anyone. In that way, maiiwasan nating mag-away ulit kasi, Ast, hindi ko kayang mag-away tayo. Sa tuwinang nangyayari 'yun ay nawawala ka bigla sa'kin. Ayoko na maulit 'yun. Parang nat-trauma ako."

Napahalakhak ako sa sinabi niya, "Siraulo. Trauma ka riyan."

"But I really feel that way, Ast." He sincerely said as he ushed over and placed a kiss on top of my forehead. Napapikit ako saglit sa banayad na pakiramdam na pinadama niya.