𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞 || 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Chapter 61

Saturday 15th May, 1977

It was the day of the full moon and I was in the marauders dorm, attempting to convince Remus to rest for the day. He looked like shit, and I could only guess he felt worse, which meant he would not be doing any schoolwork or physical activity today.

"I have homework," Remus complained.

"Homework can wait," I retorted, giving him a hard stare.

He stared back defiantly, stubborn until the end. Unfortunately for him, I was also stubborn and crossed my arms, looming over his bed as I glared at him. Eventually he gave in, but only because it was obvious he was getting tired, and he hadn't even been doing anything of consequence. I could only imagine what he'd be like while studying.

When Remus agreed, I sat on the floor with the marauders, all of them keeping Remus company while he begrudgingly rested. He wasn't sleeping, but he did have a headache so we were careful to keep out voices low as we spoke.

I sat next to Sirius, nudging his knee with my own to get his attention. When he looked up from his homework, he gave me a questioning stare.

"Regulus was talking to me the other day," I said, careful to keep my voice low. "He said Snuffles had kept visiting him, and that they see each other often."

Sirius's face went red and he averted his eyes to the floor, swallowing harshly. He stared at his hands as he fidgeted with them. "Um, yeah."

I stared at Sirius and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Sirius looked up at me, biting his lip nervously. "It's just... well, I miss him."

That confession, however small, seemed to take a lot off of him and on at the same time, like a weight was lifted only for another one to replace it. I tried to understand his feelings, thinking that he finally admitted he cared for his brother, but that also meant he could no longer ignore his feelings on the matter by pretending he didn't. Sirius was probably very scared right now.

"So, why have you visited him as a dog instead of a human?" I asked instead of talking about what Sirius just confessed.

Relief flickered across his face, no doubt because I didn't question what he had admitted, something I could tell he was grateful for. His expression went sombre though as he thought of my question, a frown creasing his brows. "Well, because it's not like he would want to be with me as a human."

I grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. "And why is that?"

Sirius blinked rapidly when his eyes welled up with tears. He cleared his throat, determined not to cry. "Because... well, because I left him. I hate to admit it, and frankly it makes me want to tear my own heart out, but I did leave him. I left him with my mother, Y/n. The foulest, most revolting woman on this planet. I'm his older brother, and I'm supposed to protect him, but instead of staying and looking after him I escaped, leaving him to suffer the brunt of our parent's wickedness."

I shook my head before he even finished speaking, staring into his eyes with an intensity that could rival Regulus's. "You needed to leave there, Sirius. You can't blame yourself for escaping an abusive home. Yes, Regulus is still there, but you survived. You survived, Sirius, and you should never feel guilty about that. You did what you had to, and it was the right thing to do."

"But I left him," Sirius choked out. "I left him there-"

"He made his own choice," I said, cutting him off. "I know you and James have both offered to take him in multiple times since you left, and I know that he has refused every single time. You've done all that you can without endangering yourself, and that's all you can do. It's up to him to make the decision to leave, not you. You can't control others, no matter how much you may wish to, and that includes Regulus regardless if he's your little brother or not. And he still cares for you too, Sirius. He still misses you. Just because he refuses to leave doesn't mean he doesn't love you still, because he does. He really does, and you both deserve to have a relationship together without your mother interfering."