Pinky Promise [joshler]

6

{Tyler}

he knows you idiot, he knows your secret.

the voice says in the back of my mind, my heart speeds up and I feel my breathing increase.

I feel tears about to spill and i sprint out his room. I cant do this, josh will be ashamed of me now. who wants to be friends with the guy that cuts himself?

it's hard to keep quiet at 3 am and you're trying to keep yourself for wailing so loud. especially if your dormitory is asleep.

I made it out the door, but a hand grabbed my arm.

"tyler stop!" Josh yells, he brings me close to his chest, I try to escape but it's no use.

"go ahead, tell debby, tell all your friends the new kids a fag who cuts himself!" I choke out in between cries.

"tyler please, calm down. i'm not gonna tell anybody, just look at me, please?" He pleads, I look at him and his eyes are sincere.

"why would you do this, who made you do this?" he asks, almost in tears.

I then proceed to tell him about nick and all the bullies. before I knew it, I was spilling everything.

----flashback----

WARNING: this part contains details of self harm and suicidal actions. if this triggers you in anyway please do not read, also I'm always here if you need to talk, stay strong.
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I let out a shaky breath as I looked at the razor in one hand, and the pills in the other.

"two cuts on each wrists and about 10 of those pills will do it!"

the voice in my mind joked, it's become too hard to ignore now.

everyday I've dealt with it telling me to hurt myself and others. I used to ignore it, thinking it was nothing. I smiled throughout the day, & helped my family. It was a cycle that kept repeating itself. but today is different, today I didn't smile, & I didn't help my family.

my letter was written, it sat perfectly on the sink explaining the reasons for my actions. the rejection, hate, and cruel actions of people from school, and even my closest friend took a toll on me.

I let out a sob and unscrewed the lid, my mouth opened and I sang the lyrics to one of my many songs,

"I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath.."

I poured the pills into my hand and gulped them down, one by one. I took my shaking hand and cut a verticle line on my wrist. the sight made me want to vomit right then and there. I did the same to the other wrist and smiled.

"no more pain, i'm free now." I felt my eyes get heavy and my vision start to falter. I then collapsed to the ground, my hand still holding onto the razor.

-----end----

"next thing I know, I'm being thrown in the tub with cold water pouring on me. my mother stuck her hands down my throat which resulted in me puking some of the pills up." I sniffled then cleared my throat.

"I was so pissed at her after that, I screamed and scratched at her; but she just held me and cried. I wanted to die josh, I really did." I let out a dry laugh.

"but I guess we don't always get what we want, do we?" he shook his head at me.

"tyler, I know we've only been friends for a week, but I've never been this close to any of my other friends I've known since kindergarten. I will always be here for you, you've been broken and now you need to be fixed. I'm willing to fix you if you let me." he replies, his voice hoarse. it was then I realized he had been crying.

"I would really like that Josh, thank you." then he did something I didn't expect, he kissed my forehead.

i was sleepy after crying so much so he ended up taking me back to his room.

he laid me down on his bed and turned the lights out. he slid into the bed and I turned over to face him.

"Josh.. can I cuddle you?" I asked nervously, I felt his chest shake and he pulled me closer.

"sure ty, anything for you."

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I had trouble writing this honestly, had me tearing up a bit too

a little joshler fluff in this chapter, dont worry i'm trying to npt rush but idk. whatever happens, happens naturally.

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