SPACEMAN AND THE MOON ― doctor who

thirty-nine; 42 part two

Chapter Thirty-Nine: 42

✰☾✰

"THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SPACE TRAVEL," Riley commented, leaning against the circular window next to Luna. "The prettier it looks, the more likely it is to kill you."

In another situation, Luna would've laughed at the truth behind his words. As much as she loved travelling the stars and having adventure after adventure, always pumped full of adrenalin and quick-wit -- she knew one day it would kill her. 

Even more so, now, with the truth of her life revealed. She didn't want to bring that woman, the Doctor's wife, back. She'd rather die. 

And no matter how pretty the Doctor was, no matter how big and beautiful his ship was, or the countless stars he'd show her -- deep down, she knew it would end in her demise. 

Perhaps today was the day. 

"We won't die," she said finally, though she didn't quite believe herself. He'd always come for her. Always saved her. 

But maybe always didn't last forever. Perhaps she'd run out of chances. 

"No, it's too late," Riley disagreed. "Our heat shields will pack in any minute and then we go into free fall. We'll fall into the sun way before he has a chance to do anything."

Luna let out a bitter laugh. "Of course I'd die of heat," she shook her head. "Literally the most unattractive way possible."

Riley snorted. "Didn't think you'd be one for vanity."

"I'm not usually, but I wouldn't mind dying with a bit of dignity."

"Doesn't matter," Riley sighed. "We'll probably burn to death. No one to find the bodies."

"Brilliant," Luna watched as the ship grew smaller and smaller. 

The only good thing about this situation was that she'd taken Martha's place. She didn't want to picture herself with the Doctor, working on a solution. In here, she was only minutes away from death. A large part of her was relieved it was herself and not Martha.

"He will save us, Riley," Luna solidified her thoughts. She thought back to the black hole, when he said he'd do anything to save her, and the hungry television that took her face off. He'd saved her then. He'd always saved her. 

"You're lucky," Riley said quietly. "I've never had someone worth believing in."

But did she? 

No matter how often he'd saved her and brought her back from the brink of death...in another life -- he'd left her to die. He'd left her and their child to die with no priority to look for them. 

Perhaps he was making up for past mistakes? Hoping that in saving her as a human, when, if, she opened the watch, she'd forgive him? Did he actually care about her at all? 

Was she just a form of satiating his own guilt? 

"Maybe I don't either," she replied back quietly, heart heavy with accusations against the man she loved most. 

She felt so confused and betrayed. She wished she could rewind the clock and relive the adventures with Rose. At least then, she hadn't been so alone. She knew the Doctor loved her then, but now...his confessions, the pressing reality of the watch and her "true self," it was all too much. She wanted the simplicity of her life before knowing, before loving him. 

"So he's not your boyfriend?"

Luna remained quiet, leaning back and taking a seat. 

"It's too complicated for such a title, really. What about you? No girlfriend or boyfriend?"