criminalminds x reader

chapter 32

Tw sh

We got back to the precinct and closed off the case. We packed up everything.

I decide to call p again to ask about Jason.
"Oo so many calls today"
"Hey p, do you know anyone about Jason?"
"No he's still in surgery. But I'll tell you once I know something. Is everything oke"
"Ye ye I'm fine. I just hope the kid is oke. He's only 18. Johnny was only 18"
"Sorry p I gotta go"
I hang up and dry my tear and I join the team again.

"Hey y/n, can I ask you something " jj said
I nodd and she continues.
"Everything you said in there, about your friend Johnny. Was that true?"
I look down for a second and look back up.
I help packing in when I respond.
"Everything execpt the fact that he didn't survive. He didn't get the chance to transfer schools"

I put the last few filles in a box and say.
"But eem that's enough sad things for today so. Why don't we get out of hear" I say with a fake smile.

"Yes I don't want to work a second longer then I have to" Derek said making us all laugh.
Everyone went to the hotel to get changed, to go drink a bit and then dinner.

"Wanne go down?"
"I think I'm going to take a walk for a second" I say while grabing my bag and headphones
"I'll Join"
"Em, I haven't been alone in 2 weeks. In be back in 20"
I open the door and hear her say.
"Fine I'll wait here"

I go on a walk with my headphones on. Trying to distract myself.
When I see a little store.
I decided to go In and buy a monster can.
I look around and see a emergency aid kit.

Razors

I opend it up to see of there were razors in it. And there were.

I buy the monster can and the aid kit.
"Exusme to you have a batroom here?"
The man points to the sign.
I thank him and run into the batroom.

I take out the razor and band aids.
Take of my pants and cut into my thighs.

God I missed it

I just needed to feel it for a second, I needed to feel like me.
One drag after the other. And i finnaly feel like I can breath again.
Being sad is my only happiness.

After a few drags I was finally satisfied.

Ha I thought if another joke:
You know what really gets under my skin when I'm down. A razor blade ehhehhe. That's a good one

I put the badages over my legs
And put the rest in my bag.
I walk out if the bathroom and walk Back to the hotel.

"Hey pretty lady give me a smile"
A man said while walking by.
"Got nothing to smile about " and lift up my middle finger
The man looked at me weird and decided to leave me alone.
Was the headphones not a big enough sign that I don't want to talk to anyone.

I was listening to sleep from Jordan Suaste

Empty bottles of promised happiness
The doctors all say that
I'm way too depressed
The world is black and white
I don't fit inside the lines
So maybe I should just
Let this end

Just light me on fire
I'm way too damn tired
I don't want try
And get up again

This is my story
There's no happy ending
Life wasn't made for me
In the end

So I'll take these pills
And go to sleep
I won't wake up
Just let me dream

My reality
Won't mean a thing
And when I'm gone

Maybe then you'll see
I just want to sleep (Mm-mm, mm-mmm)

Just let me sleep (Mm-mm, mmm)

Gave my best
I tried every drug
Therapy, even falling in love
At the end of the day

I never change
The feelings inside
Don't ever go away

So light me on fire
I'm way too tired
I don't want try
And get up again
This is my story

There's no happy ending
Life wasn't made for me
In the end

So I'll take these pills
And go to sleep
And I won't wake up
Just let me dream

My reality
Won't mean a thing
And when I'm gone
Maybe then you'll see

I just want to sleep (Woah-oh, oh)
Just let me sleep (Mm-mm, mmm)

With every mountain comes a valley
And I know if I keep climbing
One day I'll find

The reason why I try
And I'm not tired
Like I once was
And I still wanna sleep
But now I'd like to wake up
I wanna wake up

I finally got back to the hotel, em was still waiting for me..
"You ready?" She asked.
I wanted to break down in tears.
I want her to comfort me.
But I didn't.
It's like im not even there.
"Ye I'm ready" I say with a blank face.

My thighs were lightly burning when I sat down with the team at the table.
I still had my headphones on and didn't say anything for the entire night.

I just continued listening to songs.
Freefall and painkillers from raimbow kitten surprise.
I kept playing freefall on a loop.
Until about 5 replays, and then I let autoplay choose.
Some pretty chill songs came on.
Canon grey, hozier...

Emily's pov:

Every since y/n came back from her walk she's been kind distant.
This case was really heavy for her. Especially as first case back.
So I wanted to give her space.
But i was getting really worried again.
She hasn't said a word since she sat down. She keeps her headphones on and doesn't look up from her plate.
She keeps playing around with the salad.

I really wanted to ask if she was oke, but I couldn't not rn.
Everyone continued dinner and once y/n's plate was empty. She just got up from the table and left.

"Is she oke?" Tara asked.
"This was a really hard case. She's taking it pretty well if you consider the fact that she wasn't ready yet to go in the field" hotch said.

"I'll go after her" I put money on the table for both mine and y/n's food.

I get to our room and see y/n walking out the bathroom changed in her pj's still with headphones on.

"You oke?"
She slides of her headphones a little. So they are still on one ear.
"Ye I'm fine. I was just tired. Dw ill pay whoever back that payed for my plate" She said while crawling into bed.

"That would be me but it's fine."
She put back her headphones and I layed back.
She looked so empty and exhausted.
So I thought I would just let her be.