to love a liar

lidocaine

🧪CW warnings: mental health, domestic abuse, gore/details of violence and injuries

"Y/n?" A chill coursed against Eren's lungs like a moth belligerently knocking into a light.

You stared at him, eyes widened and throat dry. You couldn't be bothered to look around you. To see the stinging white of the hospital bedsheets, to feel the sandpaper texture of the blanket against your fingertips. You couldn't be bothered by any of it. All you could focus on was this boy in front of you.

This boy.

Eren's heartbeat thundered against his ears, grey storm clouds rolling in on his mind. You looked petrified and he felt like he was the root of it. His eyes softened at you.

Please remember me.

You lunged at him, not caring about how sore you felt as you threw yourself at him, "Eren."

Eren's eyes watered as his breath hitched. Feeling you against his chest, he felt like he could burst into tears. But it seemed like you beat him to it first.

"I'm so sorry, Eren," you sobbed. "I trust you. I shouldn't have ever said I didn't-I believe you. Please don't be mad at me anymore."

For a moment, he was at a loss for words. He couldn't believe he forgot about the fight you had before things went to hell. It had been intruding his every thought since the moment it happened and for some reason, the moment you woke up, he forgot about everything.

Eren blinked away the tears before you could see them, pulling you to face him. He wiped your tears and shook his head, "I was never mad at you. It was my fault-I'm the one who should be begging for forgiveness-I don't want you to ever be sorry when it comes to me."

You could feel the warmth of his hands against your cheeks. Fire against a wretched slab of ice. Tears stung your skin, eyes refusing to stop producing them. You hated crying. It was the most humiliating thing you felt you could do-to hand your vulnerability over to whoever was watching. You hardly cried even when you were alone, you'd end up scoffing at your own weakness.

"No, be mad," you insisted, still crying. "Yell at me. Talk to me. Whatever will make you stay, just do it."

He leaned in, cutting you off before you could manage to piss him off more. His lips crashed against yours, silencing you immediately as you closed your eyes, reveling in the feeling of his mouth against yours.

Eren backed away, "I'm not mad at you, dumbass. And . . . I'm staying no matter what. I'll talk to you even when I'm dead."

You furrowed your brows, eyes polished with sincerity as you tried to smile. Eren hadn't realized till that moment that he could see all the wonders of the world and still not be as close to as enchanted by them as he was by your smile.

"Thank god you're awake," Eren sighed, closing his eyes tiredly. That's when you noticed the bags under them. The thin skin darkened to a dull grey. It looked like he lost nights of sleep, making you feel responsible.

"I thought I lost you forever," he said.

"Lose me?" you quizzed. "Like die?"

"What else, you idiot?" he retorted.

You rubbed the side of your cheek, "How long have I been here?"

"Two days," he answered solemnly.

"Oh. Um. Who else knows?" you asked.

"Just about everyone," he said. He beckoned towards the other side of the room, filled with flowers and gift baskets, "People have sort of been filtering in and out."