PEAKY BLINDERS IMAGINES

John Shelby - 'PTSD'

"What time does the train come in?" Ada asked, as the two of you sewed a welcome home banner for the boys coming back from the World War.

"2 o'clock, I believe." You sighed, wanting this moment for such a long time. You thought back to the moment you dropped John off at the station to go off a few years back.

He had visited a few times but it was never for long, sometimes only for a day. You missed him more than anything and you couldn't wait to start your life with him as husband and wife.

The two of you got married while he was on day leave, but you had not been able to have a moment together for a long period of time where it could be just the both of you. 

"I just hope that we can pick up where we left off." You sighed, as you both finished up and hung up the banner.

"Of course you will." She smiled to you, as she hugged you softly. "You have known each other for years Y/N. You both will be more than fine."

"God I hope so." You smiled back to her.

*

"They should be arriving in 5 minutes." Polly smiled, looking out for the train on the platform.

Your heart was racing, as you looked around wanting it to be over and back at home with John.

"Here it is!" Ada gasped, everyone rushed forward as they waved their flags they had made to welcome the hero's back home. Your smile slowly disappeared as you saw the exhausted men pulling into the station, but their face lightening up when they saw their loved ones.

"Tommy!" Ada grinned, hugging her brother tightly. Polly hugged him tightly, your eyes looking around for John.

"Hello darling." You hear someone very familiar whisper in your ear. You gasp, turning around and jumping on the man you had missed so much. Tears left your eyes as you gripped onto him so tightly.

"John I have missed you so much." You whimpered into his ear, his arm wrapped around you as he kept you closely against him.

"Oh my darling, I have missed you so much too." He grinned, gripping one side of your face softly, while holding you up with his other arm. "You are so beautiful."

Leaning down, you kissed him passionately. Your hands gripping either side of his face, feeling his short hair as you became more and more obsessed with him.

"Let's go home." He whispered on your lips, his hands gripping your bum making you gasp, slowly letting you down. He puts his arm around your shoulder, his bag on the other shoulder as he smiled to everyone saying hello.

The drive back was not long. You both were attached to each other at all times, not wanting to be apart ever again.

That night you had a lot of catching up to do, the two of you making love to each other over and over again. You were obsessed with him, just as he was with you.

It was just past midnight and you felt John shifting in front of you. He started to shout out and it woke you up, making you worry for him.

"John?" You asked, gently touching his shoulder as you tried to wake him up.

"John please wake up." You beg, hearing him shout out and yelling for people to get out the tunnels.

"John you are home." You cry out, seeing him shaking and sweating profusely.

He rolled out of bed and grabbed a letter opener, sharp and knife like and he put it to your throat, pinning you down on the bed and screaming at you.

"You dirty German fuck." He screamed out, making you cry even more. Knowing it wasn't him, it was his hallucinations from PTSD. But it was still really scary.

"John stop!" You heard a voice say, dragging him off you. John fought against them, seeing Tommy, Arthur and Polly standing there. They lived next door and must have heard through the thin walls the commotion.

Bursting into tears even more, you begin to panic, your whole body shaking as you did not know what the hell was going on.

"Y/N!" Polly called out to you, holding you against her and soothing you. "Breathe sweetheart."

You hiccuped through the tears as you tried to calm down.

"That's it. He is okay" She whispered. "You're okay."

You heard crashing coming from downstairs and you flinch at each bang, wondering what was happening down there.

"Focus on me, ignore them." She instructed you, you looking to her with red blotchy eyes.

"I know it isn't his fault Polly. I know it is just the effects of the war." You whispered, barely audible. Your mouth so dry and needing water desperately.

"Y/N!" You hear John scream for you, making you want to be with him.

"Please I need to see him." You begged polly.

"No Y/N, you need rest and so does he." She shook her head and you stood up.

"No Polly, he needs me." You snapped, walking out and rushing downstairs to see Johns bloody hands, glass everywhere from his doing.

"Y/N, be careful he could be still hallucinating." Arthur warned, making you look to him and tear up.

It was your John.

You were his girl.

You knew he needed you.

"John..." You cried out softly, kneeling down and holding his face. "Baby it's me."

"Y/N.. I am so sorry" He cried out, crying in front of you.

The first time you had ever seen him cry.

It broke you.

"Oh John." You whispered, putting his head against you as you kept him close. "I am here."

"I didn't mean too." He whispered.

"I know John." You said in his ear. "You do not have to say anything else."

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He cried, looking up to you. Wiping his eyes, you kissed his head.

"I know John." You whispered, my lips moving to his. "Lets get you cleaned up." You smiled, wanting him to know you were okay and did not blame him at all.

The other three were staring at you, worried on what would happen next.

"You can go home. Thank you for helping." You said to them, holding Johns hand as you walked to the bathroom.

"Y/N-" Polly said and you stopped her.

"Please - we are fine." You simply said, as you ran a bath for John.

He got in, the warm water soaking his bare body as you cleaned his hands. Luckily there was no glass in them so it was easy to wrap up. Both of you in silence, nothing awkward, the peace was nice.

You slowly got the soap and massaged it into his skin, gently kissing his shoulder after you washed the soap off.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, his voice hoarse and full of sorrow.

"John." You say, his head turning to face you. Your hand cups his cheek lightly. "We will get through this together."

"Forever?" He asks, his eyes tearing up.

"Forever and ever" You whispered, gently kissing his lips once more.