Out of the Ordinary

Chapter 15

The ten minutes between waking up and actually getting up had quickly become one of my favorite parts of the day. Burrowed in the sleepy warmth of my bed, still drowsy, I could almost pretend he was there. Could still feel the heat of him right up against me, the way he'd curled around me, his arm holding me close, his breath on my hair, the firm steadiness of his chest along the length of my back, the little cocoon of warmth our tangled bodies had created under the cover of the blankets.

But it was just my body heat trapped beneath them now (and every morning) and for all of my pretending, Harry was not here. And imagining him there beside me was all I could do.

It had been a week, but I kept his note exactly where he'd left it on my nightstand - hadn't even touched it to read it in the first place - as if leaving it where he'd placed it would remind me of the truth of it all. He'd been here, he'd slept with me, and I was his:

Mads,

Couldn't wake you. You looked so peaceful.

You also moaned "no" repeatedly when I tried.

Figured it best to leave you alone.

I had the BEST time with you.

Until next time, my girl. Miss you already.

Harry x

I had been so disappointed to wake up and find him gone - crushed, really. And my tears blurred the words on the page, hatred for myself welling up and spilling over. I felt horrible, couldn't believe I'd let him go without seeing him off, without kissing him once more, without feeling him hold me for the last time. It hurt more than it should've, and I let myself wallow in self-pity until later that night, when he'd called.

"Hello, beautiful."

"Why didn't you wake me?" I'd accused, feeling tears burn hot behind my eyes at the sound of his deep voice.

He sounded alarmed, "Did you not see my note? You didn't want me to -"

"Of course, I wanted you to!" I sniffled, and muttered pathetically, "I can't believe I didn't get to say goodbye."

"Mads, are you... are you crying?"

The note of alarm was still there, mixed with a heart-wrenching tenderness, which only made my crying worse, "No." I said, trying to stop myself, thoroughly embarrassed, but also incredibly upset - too upset to hide the fact properly.

"I didn't mean to make you feel this way, I - I thought I should just let you sleep, I... I'm so, so sorry." I sniffled again, trying to make myself stop, "Mads, please don't cry, I - I didn't mean it. I just thought-"

"I know," I groaned, "It's not your fault, Harry," I said, breathing deeply to try and regain my composure, "I'm just, mad at myself." I tried to laugh, "I had one job, you know?"

"So did I," Harry chuckled a little, and I was trying not to be embarrassed about crying over the phone to him, "Note to self," he said, and his voice changed for the next part - he was smiling, "Always say goodbye to Mads before leaving. Even if she's asleep. Always."

I giggled, too, the rest of my tears subsiding with the laughter, and said, with as much sarcasm as I could muster, "God, you're such a jerk."

"I can't believe you didn't wake up to say goodbye." Harry said, mock offense coloring his words.

I laughed again, "We suck at this."

"We're just getting started, Mads," Harry said softly, "We have plenty of time to get better."