sometimes literally cannot speak. I'm upset about it, and it's so fucking stupid. I feel alienated. I hate it. I got called stupid for it at my old school, and I am not stupid. I'm not. I am not stupid. I feel like no one really gets that. whenever I talk to *anyone*. I end up feeling so dumb and burnt out, and my mom says "ooohhh you just need to socialize more!!!1!!1!" I physically can't. and the whole eye contact thing? I hate it so much. whenever I make eye contact I feel like they are staring directly into the deepest parts of my soul, and it makes me want to turn myself inside out. why can't I just talk to people? I hate it. I hate everything. I fucking hate it. I want to go home. my actual home. I don't want to be here. mom and dad got into an argument twice today, and it's getting worse. my mental health is getting worse again, and I'm scared. I really don't think I can do this again. I want to cry. I don't understand why I couldn't have just been normal. and people fake having autism, like. stop. it isn't fun to have. I can't be in bright rooms because I get overwhelmed which tends to lead to meltdowns. I don't think how dehumanizing it feels.
