Devil Inside

Darkest Times.

*AN - For those of you following the soundtrack to this book, my song choice for this chapter is Snuff by Slipknot.*

Elsa could sense Sebastian’s presence as she reached the warehouse, but something wasn’t quite right. Usually there was a strong sense of his power and danger but it was muted, muffled somehow. She frowned to herself and called out, “Sebastian?”

There was no reply so she had to follow her nose to find him. She could smell other things too. There was a strong smell of whiskey and she passed at least three empty bottles but it was another smell that was really making her nostrils curl. A chemical smell, and burning.

“Sebastian?” Worried, she picked up her pace but then she heard Sebastian’s voice and it momentarily stopped her in her tracks.

“Elsa, you can’t be here.” That was all he said but his tone spoke volumes. He sounded weak, defeated almost and his words carried a warning. She could tell instantly that he really didn’t want her there and that he didn’t want her to see him the way he was, however that might be. She stepped quietly up to the door she knew he was behind and placed her palm on it, the faded, peeling paint flaking beneath her fingers.

“I am here,” she said quietly, “You don’t have to hide from me.” There was a long silence. Elsa could feel his struggling emotions, he was desperately trying to hide them from her but something was stopping him. His heart rate was slow and she couldn’t feel the usual heat that emanated from his body.

“Please, you have to go.” He could barely get the words out.

“Sebastian, you’re scaring me. What’s going on? I’ve seen all the empty bottles if that’s what you’re worried about. Is that how you deal with things? You drink yourself unconscious? It’s ok.” She tried the door handle.

“No!” It took great effort for him to shout and she heard the sound of him dragging himself across the floor in attempt to stop her from coming in; this told her he wasn’t even standing and that did it for her, she was going in whether he wanted her to or not.

The door flew open easily, the workbench and pair of large metal drums Sebastian had attempted to barricade the doorway with thrown to the side as if they weighed nothing.

He was crouched on the floor, his enormous black-feathered wings held like a shield around him. Elsa could see the ridges down his spine that told her his form had changed, he was the demon he never wanted her to see. His skin was wet with sweat and his body shuddered. He didn’t lift his head and she moved quickly to crouch alongside him.

“Please Sebastian,” she said, quietly and she repeated her previous affirmation to him, “You don’t have to hide from me.”

“You shouldn’t have come here,” his voice was a growl, low and dangerous, “I’m not just hiding from you Elsa, I’m trying to keep you safe.” He was panting and he slowly lifted his head, revealing his face. His eyes were sunken and they glowed a deep, animalistic amber; his strong brow was more defined, his cheekbones protruding unnaturally and his mouth was a snarl of dangerous teeth. Veins protruded in his neck and every fibre of his being was struggling she realised, fighting not to attack. She could also tell that despite what his instincts were telling him to do, his senses and reactions were dulled. As her eyes travelled over his body she saw a tourniquet around one muscular bicep, a hypodermic needle on the floor. She looked around the room and saw other things that told her alcohol was not enough to help Sebastian stay in control of his monster and her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t back away, didn’t recoil at his appearance. Instead she reached out and brushed his face gently with her fingertips, “Oh Sebastian.”

He flinched away but it was not a sharp reaction, his amber eyes were rolling back in his head, which began to loll to one side. Elsa realised the drugs he had pumped into himself were finally having the exact effect he wanted them to. She didn’t know anything about drugs or taking them but a scan of the paraphernalia around the room suggest he had taken a large amount of whatever it was. He had intentionally overdosed because he knew it wouldn’t kill him, just put him down for a while. Sebastian continued to sink towards the floor and his head fell into Elsa’s lap. His features gradually began to soften and return to the tortured, handsome face she recognised so well, his wings slid back into his body and his breathing calmed. Elsa held his head in her lap and brushed his dark hair, wet with sweat, away from his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said, tears rolling down her cheeks, “I didn’t know it got like this for you.”

“Go,” his voice was barely a whisper and his eyes didn’t open.

“No,” Elsa sniffed, “I’m not leaving you like this.”

“I don’t want .... you...” he was slipping away and Elsa couldn’t believe he wanted her to leave him alone.

“It doesn’t scare me off Sebastian,” she insisted, “I want to help you through this.”

“You can’t,” his eyes opened slightly, they were still amber and they stared at her intently, “If you don’t go now,” he managed to get the words out with huge effort, “I don’t want to ... see you .... again.”

His words cut Elsa deeply. He really didn’t want her help. She thought they’d grown close but if he couldn’t trust her with his darkest times then they were not as close as she thought. She laid his head gently on the floor, his eyes had closed and they didn’t open again. She wiped her own eyes dry, she didn’t know if he could hear her anymore but she spoke to him anyway.

“I’ll go,” she said, “I know you’ve done this on your own before and you will again but you didn’t have to Sebastian. You don’t have to be alone anymore. And don’t you dare be so arrogant as to think I was only trying to help you. I was doing this for me too, maybe I needed someone to talk to and share my darkest secrets with, someone who would understand. I really wanted that to be you.” She got up and walked to the door, turning to look at his inert form once more before she left, “I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks but I’ll be back, you need to decide if you want me around or not Sebastian. I’m not one for half measures, you either trust me or you don’t. You’re a good person, stop punishing yourself.” And with that she left using all the speed she could muster, so that she couldn’t change her mind.

*AN - thank you all for your continued support and reads - keep voting folks and tell me your thoughts, I love to hear them :) *