Distinguished

Ball 9. Agony

Shimizu Kiyoko

"Hey guys," A familiar but monotonic voice rang in the school gym. Everyone had abruptly stopped their warm-ups and stared at a certain blonde on the front of the entrance doors.

Kaori entered and smiled at all of us. "Sorry for being late."

"Miyazono-san!!" The two second years cried and headed over to her, who then engulfed them into a reunion hug. "We missed you!!"

Hinata joined and squeezed in between the trio, hugging Kaori on her chest area. "You've been absent for days.. We thought you'd never come back."

Kaori giggled while ruffling each of their spiked hair, except Tanaka. "I'm not going anywhere, dummy, as long as I'm still here."

As the first and second years chattered happily with Kaori, we third years inspected the blonde girl. Ever since her gala performance with Tsukishima and her sudden fainting, she hasn't been at school for a week and three days which worried us a lot. None of us were allowed to visit her at the hospital due to her doctor's restrictions.

"She seems okay now," Asahi said beside me.

"But we can't just assume that," Daichi sighed, then picked up a volleyball and tossed it back into its basket. "Kaori might end up fainting any minute. We have to keep watch of her."

I and Suga nodded in agreement.

Kaori approached to us after her happy chatter with the dorks. "Hi."

"Hello," We returned our greetings.

"How's the treatment at the hospital?" Daichi asked her which she simply smiled to.

"It went well," She said, but there was an obvious edge in her tone saying otherwise which she then reciprocate. "But my doctor banned me from doing anymore violin activities."

This threw us off guard. 'Banned her?' None of us wanted her to stop playing the violin.

"What? Why?" Suga was in utter disbelief.

"The aftermath of it takes too much toll on my weak body, much like when I used to participate in gym activities." She explained. "It's just like being asthmatic, but worse because you won't be doing the thing you love anymore and it's just.."

Kaori trailed off, finding the right words to continue. "I can't handle the thought of not being able to play the violin again, not when I had just begun going farther into my musical journey."

The tone of her voice was being choked back as she held in the tears that were forming at the brim of her eyes. This caught the attention of the first and second years when slowly crowded behind her.

Just when the atmosphere could grow any heavier, Suga interjected and asked her another question. "What made you start playing the violin and why don't you ever participate in the Nationals?"

Kaori sighed and sniffed, calming herself, before telling us her story.

"I've always liked the sound of every instrumental melody. I used to play the piano when I was young, but it changed when I wanted to perform with a piano accompanist and being able to move freely with a violin along with the sweet sound of strings being played. My parents never stopped me from doing so and that was when I practiced hard to become a professional soloist.

"The first time I played on stage didn't went well in the end. I was a nervous wreck but Kiyoko was there to support me, including my parents. But when I started playing, all those worry in my mind disappeared and I engrossed to the sound of my own playing.

"I never got to finish until the end, though, as my legs suddenly gave up in the middle of the song. I dropped my violin and bow, and I noticed that my hands started shaking too. That was when I looked up at the audience for the first time and saw the pitiful look on their faces, including my parents and Kiyoko.

"I cried pathetically after that until I was ushered out of the stage. I could barely walk and there was an ambulance waiting for me at the exit of the back stage. I didn't know what happened next because I blacked out by then. A week after that, my parents suddenly made a decision to move from Miyagi to Tokyo.

"I continued to play the violin, of course, but the elementary school that I attended to just didn't suit me at all. I tried getting along with some of the girls there but.. they just suddenly started pushing me away and hating on me. I didn't know why they were like that and I continued to deal with them until the second last year of my elementary. I told my parents about it and that I'd like to be home schooled. They didn't object.

"Two years later, we moved back here to Miyagi. My parents encouraged me to participate in violin competitions here since there were quite alot during each season. But I didn't get as far to the Nationals when I do. It's not that I don't want to go further.. It's just.." She paused for a moment and pursed her lips. Then, she exhaled and continued.

"I just want to be remembered by everyone around me, not only by my name but by the things I've done. I don't want to be remembered as that scrawny little girl who was weak and is a show-off. I don't like that.

"But isn't that our purpous? We live for a certain number of years until our time has come, but we also want to leave a mark somewhere in people's minds in a positive way. We want to be distinguished as an individual of the good things we've done." Kaori smiled with tears in her eyes.

"And leave our mark on this world."

As she cried silently, I went over to her and gave her a hug. "It's okay, Kaori. We're all here for you."

She sobbed uncontrollably, clenching on my school shirt tightly. "B-but how can I?"

"How can I go further when I'm restricted and have so little time left?"

"What do you mean?" I pulled myself away from her, but still holding her close.

"I meant what I said," She said in a low voice. "I won't be able to be with you guys as much as I want to."

"N-no," Suga interjected. "What do you mean by having little time left?"

Kaori looked away from our widened eyes. "My paralysis is taking over my body, and once it does, I can't do anything about it."