My Bad Boy

Chapter twenty nine

Before you start this chapter I have to give a warning. 

I don't know if the warning is needed, but I need to lay it out there just in case, you know? So this chapter gets a little intense. I keep it all PG, PG-13 trust me. I don't cross any boundaries! 

Anyways, here it is and I hope you enjoy it <3 

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“I don’t want you seeing that young man.”

I stare at the picture of my father on the fireplace and let my mothers words wash over me. In the picture, my father has his hand wrapped around my shoulder and Kayla was sitting on his shoulders, laughing.

The photo was taken when we were ten and things looked promising. Give it another year and everything would go to hell.

I look away from the picture and I see my mother wrap her hand around her wine glass tightly. She stares at the fire currently blazing away and I almost feel sorry for her. How must it feel living in a lonely house, your own mistakes the only thing to keep you company?

“And why is that?”

I sit my hands in my lap and twine them together, trying to keep more words from leaving my mouth. It was the day after Thanksgiving and after telling Julio I would call him later, here I was.

Sitting in the den with my mother while she lectured me about my decisions.

I knew the moment she saw Julio she knew who he was. We didn’t make it obvious at all. We actually, quite frankly, didn’t even touch for the rest of the night yesterday. I wanted to though. He was all I could think about and that scared me.

What scared me more was this feeling that was taking place deep inside me. A feeling I didn’t want to acknowledge. What I did know was that this new me didn’t want to take a day for granted.

I wanted to live in the moment and instead of sitting here, listening to my mother talk about how disappointed she is in me, I want to get the hell out.

She sighs, sitting the wine glass against her forehead. She shuts her eyes and her voice is clipped and short. “You have no idea how disappointed I am in you, dear. Why would you care for some felon.”

“Don’t talk about him like that.” I seeth, my hands tightening. If there was one thing Julio wasn’t, that was a felon. He was frightened to become like his low life father. If there was one thing he prided it was the fact he didn’t scumb to the life that was throwen at him.

I was not going to let my mother sit here and talk down about him.

She shoots me a disgusted look and drops her voice. “You are defending him now.” I was and when I don’t answer her, that seems to disgust her even more.

“What do you think is going to come out of it Kelsey? You have only knew this young man for how long? Two months? Three? You think you can make a family man out of him? You think he will change everything about himself for you? Don’t be naive child, scum changes for no one.”

“You don’t know him.” I say so quietly I’m surprised she even hears me. She lets out a small laugh, but it is the most evil thing I have heard in a long time.

That laugh promised me that was came next was going to be worse.

“Look at you! My daughter the felons whore!”

That’s it.

I jerk from the loveseat and spin around to face her. Not once has my mother ever said anything so uncivil to me in my life. Pain throbs behind my eyes and something bitter twists in my gut. This is what Kayla must feel like.

I don’t know why I haven’t done this sooner. This women has been dictating my life since the beginning and I was more than happy to end it. Right now at this moment. It was one thing to lash at on me, but to say something so cruel, it makes me snap.

I bring my hand to my chest and I drop my voice. My next words are like venom on a flesh womb. I want her to hurt as much as she has hurt me.

“I would rather be a felons whore than a non loved housewife.”

The minute the words leave my mouth I want to take them back. I wanted to reach out and snatch them from the air before they have the chance to cause damage. But it’s too late.

Too late for me to take anything back.

When I see hurt flash through my mothers eyes, all the anger pent up in me vanishes. “Mom, I didn’t-” She raises her hand. She slowly lifts from her seat and stares straight ahead at the fireplace.

“What has he done to you? This isn’t the Kelsey I know. The Kelsey I know would never want to hurt someone so harshly.”

I close my eyes, my throat closing. Was she right? Was this truly me? I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I realize that now. She was what she was, but she was my mom. The woman who was there when my father wasn’t.

“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. But, mother, you have no right to judge someone you haven’t even met. And,” I let out my breath and look away. “This Kelsey isn’t his or anyone elses doing. This is me mother. This has always been me.”

I watch as she takes a small sip of her wine, the red staining her teeth. “No, you’re wrong again dear. I know my little girl and this isn’t her. “

“How would you know?” I ask, “When was the last time we actually talked about something other than what you wanted? When was the last time you took a notice in my life? Let’s be honest here, this has been coming for a long time. I hate to see it happen like this, but one day you will thank me. And I will thank you.”

My mother lays the her wine glass on the mantel and turns to me, a determined look on her face.

“If you continue this behavior, than you are no daughter of mine.”

I flinch at her words as if they physically hurt me. And maybe they have. Something squeezes in my chest and suddenly I feel like I can’t breath. I take a step back and stare at her, wondering what she was trying to say.

“What?”

I can’t bring a good breath in. My mouth feels like it’s so dry it could soak up a whole lake if it wanted too. I want my mother to look at me. I want her to take it back. Instead, she stares into space ad says very calmly, ”I want you out of my house. I will not tolerate this under my roof. At least Kayla has enough decency to stay away. I want you out.”

“Mo-”

“Now.”

Her voice is harder than ice. She refuses to turn around to look at me and I feel something wet hit my cheek. I bring my hand to my cheek and I scrub away the tears I didn’t know I was crying.

I take another step back, my heart breaking, and I shake my head.

“One day,” I say so quietly I’m afraid she won’t hear me, “You will see the person you have become. I feel sorry for you. But don’t expect me to come back this time. You pushed dad out, you pushed Kayla out, and now you are pushing me out. Remember that when you need someone in the future, mom. Because sometimes not even love is enough to bring someone back. Sometimes it’s not enough.” I repeat as I run out of the room.

I make it to my room with my heart shattered on the ground laying at my mothers feet. There is no way I or she can fix what was just said. And deep down that hurts more than anything else.

I angrily wipe the tears away from my face with my palm and I grab a handbag out of my closet. I push a few things into the bag before grabbing my phone and slamming the door behind me.

I bond down the stairs, pulling up a number I wished I never had to call for something like this. I could have went to Mia, but I was sure she was with Aiden, enjoying their moment. Kayla was still out and my mother was someone I didn’t want to see or talk to anytime soon.

“Ello?” The voice on the other side says lazily and I choke on my tears. Just perfect. Can the embarrassment never end?

I pull my keys off the kitchen counter and head to the door, the sound of something getting clicked on over the phone fades into the background.

“Kelsey?” The voice says, clearer now. There's something almost urgent in the way he talks now. “What’s wrong?”

He moves around and I’m too scared to say anything. I’m afraid if I open my mouth, everything I have been holding in will come rushing out. I just don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know where I belong anymore. These past months has done something to me and I’m scared.

I’m so scared.

What if my mother was right? What if this isn’t who I am? What  if...

I wipe at my tears again and put my keys in the ignition before laying my head against my steering wheel. What did I do wrong? Why did this happen? Why was it so hard to just live with who you wanted to be? Why did life throw things at you you aren’t prepared for?

“Kelsey fucking answer me!” The voice on the other side says frantically and I slowly ease my head off the steering wheel, taking in his scared voice. I put the car in reverse and I finally talk.

“Julio.”

 It’s the only thing I can get out before I start to cry. For real this time. The kind of crying that’s all snot, tears, and weird noises. I know I need to hang up because I’m sure I would be embarrassed about letting Julio hear me like this, but I can’t seem to make myself hang up.

He waits patiently on the other side and that makes me like him even more. He seems to understand that I need this moment and I needed to get through it on my own. When I finally am calm enough to talk without going into a  sudden fit of tears, Julio talks calmly on the other side.

“Tell me what happened.”

And so I tell him.

I tell him every demon that’s ever haunted me.

I tell him about my father, about how I feel like somehow it was my fault he left. How I feel like he left because I wasn’t perfect enough. I tell him about my mom. About how despite how naive she is, I can’t help but love her.

I tell him about everything she has ever said to me and I to her. About how I never questioned her motives before recently. I tell him about how I felt I owed my life to my mother. I felt like she needed someone to be there for her, no matter how hard she was, and I felt like it had to be in the end to give that to her.

I tell him about how I needed to be the perfect daughter and how I was tired of living for everyone around me. Everyone but myself.

I was tired of not living for myself.

I tell him about how I’m scared for Kayla. How I was scared that she was ruining her life, about how I was too hard on her at times. I tell him I wished I could take back the all the things I have told her, the things I’ve ever done. I tell him about how I just wish, for once, she would tell me what she was actually feeling.

And last but not least, I tell him about him. I tell him how I’m scared to let him in. That I have been living my whole life in this hard shell, this shell that I was so confident in, and how he broke it and now I was a mess because of it.

I tell him that  before I met him that I avoided this kind of shit everyday but for some reason he has was able to let all this out. I tell him I care for him more than I should. I tell him I’m scared to be in a relationship. I tell him I want a relationship.

I tell him every ghost of my past, every demon in my closet. I bare everything to him in a matter of minutes and there’s nothing left for me to tell.

He has every part of me now. He knows things no one else knows and when I finally stop talking, I lean back in my seat and close my eyes.

For once, in so long, I finally felt like I was actually breathing.

Julio doesn’t talk for a long time. I’m scared I might have scared him away, or worse, that he hung up. I’m about to say something, to break the silence, when he finally talks.

“I want to see you Kelsey. You don’t tell me shit like that and not let me be there to touch you, to comfort you, afterwards. Do you understand?” I nod my head, but I realize he can’t really see that.

“Yes.” I say out loud and I hear him take in a deep breath. Then, he whispers over the line.

“The world is a fucked up place Kelsey and there is nothing I can do to fix it. That’s on you. But I promise you that I will be next to you the whole way. Now start that damn car, back the fuck out of the driveway, and meet me at my house.”

“Technically,” I say, realizing I was on my way to put the car in reverse before I went total ape shit on him. “I have already done two of those things.”

“Good. But it’s the last thing I’m more worried about.” I don’t say anything for awhile, and then, “Thank you, Julio. For listening and for not telling me everything is going to be better. I needed that.”

“Anytime, angel. Anytime.”

And then I hang up the phone, throw it in the back seat, and high tail it out of my driveway. Right now there was only place I wanted to be.

And I was heading there at this very second.