Dangerous & Anew (Sequel to Inhaling Alongside You)✔️

Chapter Twenty-Four: Drunken Truth

The days of a broken hurt are equated to years of a lost soul. Seconds feels like minutes. Minutes feels like hours. Days feels like weeks. Weeks feel like months, and months feels like years. All could be misconstrued as anxiety or anxiousness, but it is the world of a broken heart and lost soul.

I've sat wondering, looking into the eyes of our angel, wondering if things would've been different. If I didn't walk away. If I turned back when he whimpered for me to not leave. I pondered, pondering the different scenarios. "What if?", a terrible question to contemplate.

It's been nearly a month since I walked away. It's been a month since I glared, through blurry vision, at the man who I wanted to believe was my everything. It's been a month since the night I decided that it was indeed time that Jesse become selfish. It's been a long month, a long month without Michael.

Some would ask, why. Why did she walk away from the appraised Michael Jackson? Why would she walk away from all the luxury, all the attention?

My answer, I wasn't living for me.

I was living vicariously for Michael. What ever he wanted, I did. Yes, there were times when I felt he had my best interest at heart. On the other hand, there were just as many times when I felt it was all about him. I sacrificed a lot for that man. I was loosing myself everyday, trying to find my way, trying to redefine myself.

There's something so painfully beautiful about loving someone who has yet to learn how to love someone other than themselves. I can't lie, Michael wasn't a bad person. He wasn't terrible to me, but he wasn't entirely open to me. He'd give me the world, but still leave me with nothing.

I've felt like this for quite some time now. Initially I thought it was just a little depression after giving birth to Noah, but now I know it was because I felt stuck. I felt stuck in his world, and I've always felt like that. Stuck in the world of Michael Jackson, still trying to find Jesse Edmond.

I wanted to be free, but I couldn't because I was a captive.

Now, with Michael preparing for his Dangerous album release and tour, I feel my captivity is still hampering me.

I still feel the need to call him, check on him. Yet even still, in those moments I scold myself and change my mind.

I have to start living for Noah and I.

"You can't live in a hotel with a four month old forever..." Debbie stresses, passing me Noah's evening bottle.

Glancing at her from beneath my eyelids, I sigh heavily in defeat.

Debbie has been such a great help throughout this whole month. Even though she keeps her contact with Michael, she has been nothing but supportive of my decision to break away for a bit. At first, I thought it was a part of a hidden, conniving plan to collect Michael's pieces once I slip out of the picture. Woest me, she disposed my assumption and has gifted me an assurance that she is genuinely praying for Michael and Jesse, and little Noah.

I couldn't ask for a better friend.

Noah and I have been bunking in a nearby hotel, a little ways from Neverland, but still enough distance away from Michael. Speaking of, Michael of course doesn't know my whereabouts, but I'm sure he'll soon find out. I have to remind myself everyday that he is Michael Jackson "King Of Pop", he undoubtedly has the power to find Noah and I.

With that being acknowledged, I have this riled fear inside of me that he'll find us, and when he does, I don't know what I will do. He could take Noah away from me. He could have me arrested for kidnapping. He could do anything. If he ever does find us, I fear I'll have to be exiled back into his life, being his shadow once more.