𝐏𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲~

𝒩𝓊ℯ𝓇ℴ𝒹𝒾𝓋ℯ𝓇ℊℯ𝓃𝓉

My sensory issues flare
Every time I touch the soap
Or wash the dishes
My focus is empty
Because my brain is full
Of all these shower thoughts and random things
That most people don't think about regularly

I hide myself everyday at school or even from my family
I try to reflect them so that they like me
So that I know when to talk
What are the right manners
And how to laugh at the right time
Because nothing about me seems to matter

The mask I wear on my face all day
Only comes off
When it's me alone with my thoughts
Late reaction times around all the comments
Makes me feel like a joke

My mind is black and white
If it's not the way I want it, then it's wrong altogether
Or if there's one con in a suggestion
Then it's nothing better than the worst one

I always feel bad whenever I'm not paying attention
But I can't help that you don't grab it
It's just the way you speak
Or the methods you use to teach
Just don't reach me

Whenever my friends talk to me I have to ask them to repeat what they said
Even if we were eye to eye
I wouldn't know anything you said
It's almost like my brain has another hive mind
That's distracting me from everything else
Except my dark side

I'm seen as rude
When I don't mean to
I don't always say thank you
Because my body freezes up
I can't move or speak
And people say I'm weak

If I don't have my headphones or music or even just a book
Then my mind becomes crooked
And everything is locked
I can't react
Can't move
Can't speak
Why brain, is this happening to me?

13 tabs open at all times
Where's the music coming from?
Can you please stop the noise
I'm screaming now I'm very loud
But my mom doesn't believe me
When I tell her out loud
She believes in her own pride as a former teacher
And even the doctors believe her

But I guess I'm not allowed to be different anyways in this society,
Because evidentially we all experience the same things.