25. Let it go

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"Christina.."

Something horrible was trying to wake me.

"Christina!"

There it goes again, go annoy another Christina! Stupid voice.

"Hey! I do not have a stupid voice!" My eyes opened when Amber hit me with the pillow I was cuddling.

"I apologize, now leave me alone." I moped, turning away from her.

"It's been a week! And it's eleven in the morning.. What the heck happened to my Christina that's awake at six in the morning ready to start a new day." Amber spooned me and whined like a puppy.

Yes it had been a week of me living like this, a good week of me explaining everything in my life to my best friend, apart from the whole Mafia thing, cause you know I don't want to get shot in the head or anything. She asked where I got the nasty cut and I told her it was a cooking accident, she didn't look convinced but let it slide.

I shut my eyes tight. "That Christina died along with the life that was growing inside of her." I still couldn't wrap my head around it, I was friggin pregnant, a baby was inside of me, a poor innocent embryo and I killed it.

"We went through this Christina, you wouldn't of kept it anyway. You are hardly mentally stable to look after another human being, can you imagine the headache of it being Leo's? it was kind of a blessing." Amber squeezed me in her arms as I stared at the photo of us two in our cheerleading outfits in High School, it sat next to her bed on the dressing table.

"I know but it just feels horrible, it's pain I didn't know I'd go through." My heart clenched remembering when I saw the embryo pass. "Thank you for being here for me." I turned around and hugged Amber, burying my face into her blonde hair when I realized I started sobbing again.

"Don't thank me babe, it's what I'm here for." She sighed, squeezing me tight in her arms. I cringed a bit when I could feel another cramp in my lower abdomen, Dr, James said now after the miscarriage It was going to feel like I had a normal period only that it may last one to two weeks.. sometimes even four weeks.

"You really need to call Rafael, texting him isn't enough, he probably thinks you're avoiding him." Amber said, rubbing my back.

I sighed, pulling back from her. "Because I am avoiding him. I want to avoid everyone, including my damn parents." I couldn't imagine what my parents would say if I told them I had a miscarriage.

'You killed Leo's baby!'

"You can't, face everything now and then everything will be easier." She told me, getting up from the bed.

"I'm not strong minded like you, Amber. I'm a freaking weak wreck! I'm not even a woman, I'm a pathetic girl." I threw my arm over my eyes.

"You know how upsetting it is for me to see you like this? Even after all these years, seeing you be controlled by your family like a robot. You're old enough now to turn around and tell your family 'Hey fuçk you, I'm Christina and I control my life' okay? Well don't say fuçk you." Amber said quickly, tying her long blonde hair into a bun.

"I can't do that, are you kidding?." I scoffed, lifting myself up so I could rest against the black headboard.

"One day you will, I'm not kidding.. it's my mission now to help you get through this terrible depression that you have." She rested her knee on the bed, raising her eyebrow at me.

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