Just Hold My Hand

Chapter Four- Charlotte

Present Day- Charlotte's P.O.V.

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Hmmm... It's raining. Shocker. I groan and roll my eyes. Does it ever not rain? No. No, it always rains. Especially when I wish it wouldn't. Oh well. It's not like I'll be out much today, only to stroll over to Andrew's. Andrew. I can never help but sigh when I thought of him. I brought it on myself really. It was my fault I had to go and fall in love with the boy. He never did anything to deserve that, not in a rude way, but really. He was just my best friend, like a brother, but a brother I was in complete love with. It wasn't his fault.

I guess it was just the fact that he was like my knight in shinig armour. He came in to my life, at one of the darkest points, in one of my darkest hours and brought me to the light. He became the shoulder to cry on, and the hand to hold. I had never even prayed for one such as Andrew, in fear God might deny my plea for some one so perfect. Andrew was perfect.

In every way. His smile, his voice, his laugh. He always knew what to say, and what not to. He always knew what to do, and again what not to. He was always looking up and never let the world beat him. He was everything I wished I could be, and never dared to dream. He was my lighthouse in the storm. The light at the end of my endless dark tunnel.

He knew everything, well everything I wanted him to know, which was everything. I needed someone to trust, to tell everything. I was tired of being the only one to know what I did, to feel how I felt about things. See, I could influence my stories however I wanted with Andrew, and he would not argue because he was just taking my word for it. I never had to worry he would judge me or call me hateful for the way I spoke about my parents. He felt what I felt. He saw it the way I saw it.

There were only a few things Andrew didn't know about me... namely one. I loved him. Sure he knew I loved him, as a brother, but not the way I meant. I was in love with him, hopelessly in love. It started not too long ago, but it was long enough to realize it was for life. I could only sigh though. Andrew was not for me.

Andrew had a life. Friends. Family. Money. A future. Me, I had nothing. No friends (except him), no Family (he was about as close as it got to true family. forget my parents), No money, I was dirt poor. And no future. I would just end up at a small diner somewhere waiting tables for the rest of my life, while Andrew was off making millions and living the good life. That's what he deserved anyway. I deserved to have nothing, but I didn't have even that. I had my everything, Andrew is my everything.

Without Andrew, I'm just the girl who is beaten by her father, whose parents barely come home because of their work, but give none of the money to her. I'm the girl might as well live on her own, because home is not home. I'm the girl who cries herself to sleep every night, out of self pity and regret... regret for countless things.

Regret for never telling the love of my life I loved him, when I had my chance. Regret for never calling the police to report my father. Regret for never telling my mother I loved her regardless. Regret for never having the pride to fight for what I loved and believed in.

No, I would never tell, it was too risky. If he said no, and ended the friendship, I would die. Literally, my life would cease. I would become a lifeless body, without purpose, without a goal. He would take more than my heart if he ever left. No, I would just stay his best friend, that's more than I deserved anyway. I should be thankful for his presence in my life at all.

He deserved better anyway. Some one with pride, and self respect. Someone who has confidence as he does and the courage to love. He deserved someone who wasn't already broken, some one who knew what it was to show someone true love. Someone with courage, with honor, and with an inner beauty that outshines her outer. Someone who was never afraid to say "I love you" and who never thought of the consequences. I would never be that. Still that is what he deserved.