Disequilibrium

Part 3: Junior Year - Scene 5

Dad comes home on a Friday evening while I'm sifting through Canada411. There isn't any awkward air when he steps through the door; we just stare at each other the way we would've if he came home like any other day.

He's wearing the same clothes he left with, but they're cleaner than before. Crisp. Ironed. His once muddy shoes are washed and polished, and his skin holds a brighter glow than it once did. Dad notices my eyes wandering but he says nothing about it; just slips off his shoes and joins me in the living room.

"What are you up to?" he asks as he slams his body down on the couch. I move over a little, trying to avoid physical touch as much as possible.

"Just looking for someone."

"Can I know who it is?"

"Not really."

He laughs even though there's nothing funny about what I said. That's one thing I hate about him—when he laughs for no goddamn reason. "Why are you spending your Friday night doing this? Don't you usually hang out at Casper's around this time?"

I shrug and click the next page. "He's grounded."

"For what?"

"Going out while he's grounded. So I guess it's a double grounding. His parents find out about everything."

"That's a parent's job," he says, though I can tell he doesn't exactly believe it. "Did you eat dinner?"

"Not hungry."

"Well, what did you eat today?"

"Nothing much."

Dad claps and stands from the couch, rubbing his hands together. "That's no good. Why don't I whip you something quick to eat? How do you feel about some mac and cheese with—"

I slam the laptop closed as soon as I find Anila's address, standing from the couch as well. It didn't take much finding her last name. Just a quick look in the old yearbook did the trick.

"I think I'm going to head out," I say, avoiding the look in his eyes as I make my way over to the front door. "I'm going to Nichole first then I'll see if I can break Casper out for a little."

"Oh, well, alright. Are you sure you don't want anything? We can eat and I'll give you a ride to Casper's if you'd like."

That's the last thing I would like, so I shake my head, slip on my shoes, and slam the door on my way out. I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a bit curious of where he's been, but looking at his face now pisses me off. I can't stand him. I really can't.

I pound my fists on Nichole's front door about two or three times before she answers. Damn, she looks like hell. Her hair looks like a bird's nest on top of her head, dark bags droop under her eyes, and her skin looks paler than the last time I saw her. She looks at me expectantly, probably waiting for me to say something first, but I can't stop staring.

"Hey," she says, straightening her back when she notices the look on my face. "What's up? It feels like I haven't seen you in forever."

That's a lie. She came to my doorstep three days ago asking for Dad. "Yeah, it has. I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Talk? Of course we can talk. What's wrong? Did you have another nightmare? Is your..." She pauses, swallows, and peers over the doorway towards my place. "Your dad is home."

"He is."

"Is he doing well? Where did he disappear to?"

"I don't know. We barely talked."