I summarize Greek myths (but make it funny)

The Seven Labors of Heracles (Yes, it's Heracles, Hercules is the Roman version)

Well, one day Zeus (the cheater himself) fell in love with a woman named Alcmene and decided, "Hey, I'd love to get in her pants" but she was already married to Amphitryon which made Zeus second guess cause he'd never cheat with a married woman (cue hera screaming in the distance), but then Zeus being Zeus decided to just shape shift into her husband and do the deed with her that way, so he bribed the sun god (either Helios or Apollo I've seen versions that say either) to make the night last for an abnormally long time so he could get away with his plan.

Amphitryon came home the next morning, much to the confusion of of Alcmene (they figured out it was Zeus, I forget how but they do). Then fast forward 9 months and Alcmene had to twins, but only one was a demi-god (somehow), Iphicles and some name I can't remember (it gets changed so it doesn't matter). But the fact that one was a child of Zeus made Alcmene nervous that she and or her child who get smite by Hera, so what did she do? Abandon her new born child in a field obviously. But Zeus (Or Athena, depending on what version you read) took him to Hera, and was like, "Hey I found some random child in a field whos name is....uh, Heracles! You know, meaning glory to Hera! haha". So Hera decided to nurse him out of pity, (suck up lol). But Heracles apparently bit her so she pushed him away and accidently created the milky way.

Hera's goddess milk made him a buff baby then Zeus was like, "Lol, ok bye, I totally won't cheat on you again" and brought Heracles back to his mother (You know, the one that abandoned him in a field). But they decided to not abandon him in a field this time and instead raise him, but Hera then realized he was a child of one of her husbands many many many (times like 100) affairs so she decided to try and kill him with 2 random snakes she sent after him but because Heracles was now a buff baby he snapped both there necks and strangled them.

*time skip to when he's no longer a buff baby but a buff teenager/man*

Heracles ended up growing up a pretty normal child, (Unless you count that one time he murdered his music teacher on accident) and married Megara the princess of Thebes (After stopping Thebes from being attacked) until Hera decided "You know, I haven't been tried to kill or ruin that kids life in a long time, I think it's about time I did that" and drove him insane causing him to....murder his wife and children with his superhuman strength in a fit of rage...(Like, Hera we know you hate him but that was a bit much).

Then when Hera's inanity magic wore off Heracles freaked out and went to ask the oracle of Delphi how he could make up for his actions, (tbh, I think you're the one who deserved an apology my dude, Zeus and Hera need some serious marriage consoling). The oracle told him to go do what ever 10 things his cousin asked of him for 12 years, then they'd make him a god, (Hera - It was at this moment that she knew, she fucked up). So he traveled to visit Eurystheus (that's his cousin btw), though he didn't want to help his cousin he also wasn't inserted in getting smited by his dad so he went along with it. (Btw, his cousin is on Hera's side during all this cause he too was p e t t y ✨)

So his asshole cousin was like, "Hey dude, so you now how you're for some reason in-debt to me cause you commited some homicide? Well I want you to go slay the Neiman lion because of it" (he didn't think he'd pull it off). So Heracles went to find and fight the Neiman lion so he could bring it's corpse to his weird ass cousin who diffidently wants him dead. (Also he met this boy who was like, "You kill that lion and we'll sacrifice one to Zeus but if you die or chicken out, I get sacrificed to Zeus!" so ig some random town sacrificed a lion to Zeus then). When he found the lion and realized he couldn't shoot it cause it was immune to all weapons he made a plan and strangled it while it slept pretty much. Then returned to his cousin with the dead lion to be assigned his next task.

This feat made Heracles even more popular and his cousin more jealous (again, petty bitch). So for his next task his cousin told him to kill the Hyrda, so Heracles hopped a ride with this nephew Iolas (I assume on the godly side cause none of them can keep it in there pants) to go to the swamp where the Hyrda lived and kill the it. He figured out that if you cut off one of the Hyrda's head it would simply re-grow (also I think he got attacked by some crab mid fight which is just, random af) it so Iolas helped him make a plan where they would cut of all it's heads then burn the necks so more heads wouldn't grow back and used it's poison blood to make poisons arrows (that'll be important later). But when he returned to his cousin (the petty one), he refused to count this task as one of his 10 labors cause he had helps from Iolas (like I said, petty bitch) so now he had to do 11 labors to make up for this one not counting.