It's Just Ann

Chapter 18 - Overrated

Chapter Glossary

Gambare: Work hard/good luck

Gambarimasu: I will do my best

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"I'm impressed," Cece tells me when I visit him in his room at the end of the day. "Considering how inexperienced you are, I thought you'd take longer to figure it out."

"Why thank you for that vote of confidence, Cece," I pout and he just chuckles.

I of course have told him about me figuring out I really fancy Gareth, and all what happened with him at lunch. He looked like your typical teenager in a romantic comedy and it was quite distracting because I wanted to be serious and explain with full detail, but I ended up laughing in the middle of my sentences quite often.

"Why is that everyone seem to notice one's feelings except oneself? I honestly thought it was just a fiction thing," I question out loud.

I always was curious how in films the friends and family all notice first the girl is in love whilst she remains clueless until there's no other way but to accept her feelings. I really believed it was just an exaggeration to increase the suspense and all those little things, but it happened to me. Cece noticed my feelings for Gareth before I and I don't understand how that's possible if these are my feelings.

"Because we live in denial, love. Accepting we fancy someone is always quite scary so we tend to turn the blind eye to our own feelings. It's evident for anyone who's paying attention and it's not like you don't notice, it's that you don't want to notice. That's it. If you really reflect on it, you'll realise you knew it before I pointed it out. I just pushed you a bit to accept it. That's all," he explains and I just blink, processing his words. "Has it happened to you when you're reading a book you go all 'come on! It's obvious he likes you and you like him just kiss!'?"

I laugh out loud at his high pitched voice. I assume he's trying to imitate me. "No," I confess. "I mean, not exactly like that but yeah, I notice before the characters mention it."

"It's because you are not the one feeling it. You're watching, carefully, and with the knowledge it is a romance and they will end up together so even if they are in the same room it is proof enough that they love each other for a reader. It is quite amusing, if you ask me."

I laugh again, seeing it from that point of view and agreeing with him. It is not that easy to figure it out when you don't expect the romance and you are not told who the leads are. Imagine they throw in the scene ten possible leads, with all different possible matchings and they don't give you any clue what the official pairing is. I don't think it would be that easy to go saying who fancies whom in that context. I guess real life is a bit like that, no one gives you clues, you have to figure it out yourself. You don't have a cast telling you who the main leads are and you're not an viewer or reader that's being explained and described everything in full detail.

"And if it helps, you're an open book. Probably because you have no experience so you don't even know how to hide your feelings. If that guy is perceptive, which I doubt 'cos he's just too icy and focused on his world to know how to read a person, he should also know."

My hands fly to my face, hiding it in embarrassment. I feel my cheeks burning and I think even my ears are red. I panic at the idea Gareth might be aware of my crush, and maybe everyone else that has seen us. I dread the idea that I am that transparent for many reasons. One, it is humiliating. Two, it makes me look even more like a teenager and although I have no problem being as old as I am, in this job I need to look mature, and having a crush on the most popular actor only shows how unprofessional I am.