"I will love you through it all..."

"...Perpetually High..."

Summary: The Detectives get a look into Alcina's past before Miranda, and with Miranda, Alcina must come to a difficult decision.

Notes: TRIGGER WARNING; This Chapter may contain/ contains subject matter that may be upsetting or potentially triggering to some readers. Please be advised that this chapter mentions; divorce, smoking, drinking, domestic violence, mental health issues, sexual assault, physical violence, underage relationships, and cheating. It also includes themes of dubious consent and contains other sexually explicit content, and foul language that may not be suitable for readers under the age of eighteen.

The Author would like to stress that they do not agree with the behavior or actions of specific characters in the below chapter and later chapters, and are fully aware that this kind of illegal action is wrong and illegal. The Author would like to note that she has experienced trauma, and encourages anyone who may be going through a difficult time, either due to mental health or trauma-related reasons, to remind the reader to reach out to a professional who is licensed to help with their issues, no one should have to go through it alone.

"To understand what my life with Miranda was like, you need to understand who she was to me before she became a monster, you need to know more about my past itself to understand what my life was like before meeting her"

The Detectives nodded, and I took a sip of coffee clearing my throat before continuing what I was saying. I flexed my hands, running them along the cold metal table, and exhaled a shaky breath.

" I was in Hollywood touring around with my band, we played mostly rock and alternative music, and we had been given a deal with 'Discipline Records'. We were gaining a lot of popularity and traction, maybe you have heard of the band 'I'm Not Dead?' I was the frontwoman and lead singer."

Detective Pierce smiled,

"That's where I recognize you from"

Detective Woods placed a firm hand on Pierce's shoulder,

"Sorry Alcina, please continue"

I smiled appreciatively and shook my head,

" As you can imagine rock and roll, music, and drugs and alcohol for an alternative band in the early nineties go hand in hand, we were at a different venue every night, and when we weren't performing. We partied almost all of the time, and it only got worse when I met my ex, Karl, he was an absolute dream at the time, like a rugged Kurt Cobain. Our tour bus was repaired for free, we had a roadie who didn't mind doing all of the heavy lifting, and he knew how to find drugs. You name it, and at any given point and time when we were touring, it was probably in my system- we were perpetually high. "

I rubbed my arms gently, the cold felt like old familiar phantom needles in my skin and it made me feel insecure,

"Truth be told I was seriously fucked up, I realize now, that I was punishing myself for being a lesbian. I tried ridiculously hard to be straight and Karl was great, so I stayed with him, but he always struggled with telling me no. The morning we found out I was pregnant, I had overdosed, it took two whole units of Narcan, and a shot of epinephrine but they brought me back, and when I threw up, the copious amounts of alcohol and pills that I had been taking like candy."

I took a deep breath and a sip of coffee, the detectives allowed me to smoke out the window while I continued to speak,

"They kept me for a couple of weeks in the hospital because I was truly addicted and my manager did not want to see me die, or see the 'I'm not dead' career end before it took flight. He had managed to get us a cross-country tour as the headliner for another popular band that had a few years ahead of us in the game. Those two weeks, were literal hell, the only person they allowed to visit me was Karl, and after the fifth or sixth time he came in trying to get me to come home with him sooner, so we could go back to the way it used to be. I broke it off with him, I was going to get clean, and I had a reason for someone other than myself. When they had run the daily drug screening after one of Karls' visits, they informed me that I was pregnant with my first daughter Bela."