Trigger Warning: Bullying, Harmful Language
Sa sumunod na araw, nagpakita na si Appa. Umuwi siya gaya ng gusto ko. Ngunit bago pa man kami magkausap ay naharang. A siya ng mga pulis na ilang araw na naghihintay sa tapat ng bahay namin. He willingly surrendered and came with the policemen.
I thought my anger and disappointment for him would go away once he listened to me. I thought everything would be okay once he was back.
It only lead to my mother frequently being out of the house, leaving me all alone with our maids. I overheard from my mother while she was on the phone with someone that my father strongly advised her not to bail him out. He said he didn't deserve it; that he was ashamed.
I always knew our house was big but now it seemed more bigger... and cold. Something that I never felt before whenever I was home.
After being out of school for six days, I finally managed to convince my mother that I wanted to go back to school. Gusto kong maging normal ulit ang lahat. At tingin ko ay yun din ang gustong maramdaman ni Eomma kaya sa huli ay pumayag din siya.
Matindi ang kaba ko nang ihatid ako ng driver namin sa school. Dumoble nang mapansin ang weirdong tingin sa akin ng guard nang dumaan ako ng gate. Or maybe I was just being paranoid, because as I walked in school grounds, everything seemed to be just exactly like how it used to be.
It wasn't until I was in the hallway, passing classroom to classroom when the stares intensified. Mabibigat ang tingin ng lahat. At hindi katulad ng dati ay ni-isa, walang bumati sa akin. Some even turned to each other and whispered things as soon as I passed by, as if clueless that I wasn't out of hearing range, or maybe they were being intentional about it.
Nang dumating ako sa classroom ay unti-unting natahimik ang lahat na parang nakakita sila ng multo. In a matter of second, everyone was staring at me.
My insides turned into ice, and it felt like something was twisting my organs, particularly my heart and lungs. Parang bigla akong nahirapan huminga. I gripped on the straps of my bag and hurried my way to the safety of my seat, to where Summer was waiting for me.
Nang makaupo na ako ay muling umandar na ang mundo sa pagkakahinto. Pero hindi kasing ingay ng naabutan ko. Nagbubulungan sila at nararamdaman ko ang ilang pagsulyap-sulyap ng karamihan sa akin.
"Rei," buntonghininga ni Summer. "Ayos ka lang?"
Her question felt like a trigger. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I suppressed it.
Ayaw kong sumagot dahil paniguradong matutuluyan ang pag-iyak ko.
"Dapat hindi ka na muna pumasok. Pinag-uusapan ka ng lahat," mahinang sambit niya. "Kalat na sa school na umamin si Tito. Narinig ko rin sa usapan ng iba na may schoolmates tayo na biktima ang pamilya ni Tito."
Huminga ako nang malalim at pilit na kinalma ang sarili. I managed to find some courageous streak within me.
"Sasayaw kami sa Friday," tanging sagot ko.
"Tingin mo magandang idea na mag-perform sa buong school sa lagay ng family niyo ngayon?" seryosong tanong ni Summer. "Papasalihin ka pa ba?"
"Bakit naman hindi? Ako kaya pinakamagaling sa amin," biro ko at pekeng ngumiti.
Walang reaksyon si Summer at mukhang hindi masaya sa desisyon ko. Huminga siya nang malalim.
"'Wag kang gumala sa campus na mag-isa ka lang. Sasamahan kita sa training niyo."
