잠꼬대 (zzz..)

k.gn

i got a text from jooyeon that he'd introduce me to some people with some new friends during lunch on monday. and honestly, i'm pretty excited.

not that i hate jooyeon, i don't. it's hard for me to think about a world where i'd hate him. he's always there for me, and i really appreciate it. it's just, i haven't made any "friends" friends this year yet, so i'm excited. they're all apparently younger than me too, so that's cool..? not the right word, but whatever.

he also gave me some names. jungsu, jiseok, seungmin, and junhan. based on just their names, they already seem pretty cool. man, i'm just getting myself even more excited. it's been a while since i've felt excited about something, so i really appreciate jjoo doing this for me. it means a lot. he might not realize at first, but i definitely think he will eventually.

jooyeon is really trying to help me eat more... but i can't. i dont know what it is, but my body just... doesn't let me. i really try to eat more, to listen to jooyeon, but nothing works. i end up throwing it all up after lunch. i need to stop, but i don't know how.

♭

it's now monday, and i'm sitting in my ever-so-boring algebra class. i'm starving, and i can constantly hear my stomach grumbling, but i've become desensitized from it. it's been so long, i've heard it so many times, i don't think about it anymore. it's practically an annoying nuisance to me.

i want to sleep so badly, my eyelids are barely keeping themselves open. the only thing keeping them open is lunch. i get to talk to jooyeon, and meet some new people! i don't remember the last time i was able to happily hang out with some people in school, so i hope we can get closer.

as i met up with jooyeon at his locker, he was surprised to see me more peppy than usual.

"oh, hi hyung! how are you?"
"i'm excited, jjoo! you said we'd meet them today, right?"
"oh, yes, we will! i'm happy you're happy. it's a nice change to see you like this."
"right? i noticed it too. ever since you mentioned it to me on saturday, i've been excited for it ever since."
"really? that's great to hear!"

i actually.. really liked this feeling. it made me feel happier (obviously), and i just felt more.. motivated. more motivated to.. eat... which is something i haven't felt in a long time...

maybe having more friends around would actually help. maybe i can picture myself at some sort of.. fancy dinner? though the cafeteria isn't that  fancy, but if it makes me eat more, i'll be happy. i mean, progress is progress, isn't it?