Endless loop of madness - William afton X reader

39 - A moment of clarity

I found myself bored out of my mind, William had fogged my brain with haunting dreams and nightmares, looming figures at the corner of my vision with moments that I thought what I was seeing was real. Whispers and laughter. Wouldn't be the first time but I realised for a long time now, just something I noticed as I continue living, whenever I wasn't around William nothing happens, but as soon as that bastard shows up. I don't know, maybe I stopped noticing the oddities, but I swear when he showed up it was like the filter broke and these things started to happen. hearing and all of these madness, and here I was thinking I was the one becoming crazy. Maybe I was. Maybe I was connecting the wrong dots but it was still concerning.

What has William done? I tried not to think the worse but the worse was the only thing that could come to mind in state of distress. Proper sleep became rare with these nightmares and it's only be 3 days since he came over.

I was someone. Fed up and full of anguish. Needing someone to blame. I didn't know why it was a feeling within my nightmares but it was the permanent feeling that boiled through my blood and all I could do in these nightmares, was watch my life fall apart, without a reason for why my life was so miserable in these nightmare, but I had a hunch.

These nightmares matched, these memories that I don't remember living, like they aren't there but I feel how they were as if I lived those moments but I never did. What were my memories, what weren't my memories because so hard to distinguished where I don't trust my own mind. I was truly alone in that, nobody else knew and I would sound crazy if I did say.

When he was gone and not present in my life, it felt normal, it felt nicer, brighter and it didn't have a hazy black parts of my memories. I didn't know what was real and what was fake when around him, and Sex wasn't a good reason for have him around. I wasn't a home wrecker, nor trying to be, yet, I shouldn't honestly worry more about destroying a non existent kid's life. I knew he'd, at some point, have more. Michael, Elizabeth, Chris (Evan / Crying child). A dark thought but if one living through the same losses over and over again, would it still hurt after the 100th time?

'Are we already dead?'

His words lurked in my throughs as I tried to move on and get through my week to my day off. It still was there, no matter what I did. Was I already dead? Do I not matter if we were dead? Did nothing matter? It would make sense. Reason why we're in these loop. We were already dead and this was Hell, but why was I dragged into this madness. What did I do wrong!?

Killed that one guy, but that was self defence. That didn't matter. No. That wasn't the first loop. So I won't have known why I was involved with this madness.

No, I can't fathom what how things worked and I had no reason to question him more about it, but the looming ghostly figures worsened every time I saw William, but William was the only person I could talk to about it all.

I cleaned my face, adjusted my clothes and did my makeup for a quick day to go shopping for food, toiletries and batteries for the tv remote and then, a doctor's appointment at 3. So if I am was going to be busy, I might as well, be beautiful getting stuff down.

At the shops, in the shampoo and conditioner area, looking for my typical one, not my favourite fancy that was on the more priced side and there wasn't a reason for buying it. To be honest, If I can't buy anything of the same price range at the rate I go through conditioner and body washes. There was no excusing it with my tight budget. That being said, grabbing my regular should be an easy quick grab and go, but I was stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes locked on to the two ladies gathered in the area of where my shampoo and conditioner lived. Beth and Clare together, chatting.

"I know it's a difficult situation, I'm not picking sides, nor will Henry and you know we won't." Beth stated with a soft tone. "It's muddy and you need to talk to him about these things if you truly believe there was something going on before you tell any of our friends."