Only Once in a Lifetime (TRF #4)

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"Hey, mental break namin next week." Zac said as I hummed. It's been twenty-four hours since Elle and I talked.

"Yeah, so where are you going?" I asked.

"You sound hella gloomy, dude. Is something wrong?" He said as I sighed.

"Nothing, it's nothing, Zac." I said and looks like that didn't convince him at all.

"Okay. I'm going to visit you next week. To make sure that you're okay, like what you're saying." He said as I sighed.

"Bahala ka." Kako naman bago binaba yung tawag.

I opened mine and Elle's conversation and as expected she didn't read my messages yet. I sighed and typed another message.

To: Elle<3

Hello, Elle,

How are you doing na? Are you eating on time? Are you happy? Because I am not right now.

I feel so empty and I can't find something that can make me happy. Every thought drifts to you and I swear I pray every single time that you'll come back to me as soon as possible, Elle.

Please, come back to my side as soon as possible. I'll listen to anything, I'll shut my mouth and I'll let you do whatever you want with me. Reply coldly, tell me harsh words and I'll accept it all. Just please, please come back to me.

I'll accept any harsh words as long as you talk to me. Curse me, belittle me, invalidate me, do anything you want with me and I'll let you. Basta manatili ka lang sa tabi ko, ayos na sa akin.

I love you always and forever, my Elle.

I sighed and turned my phone off before dozing off to sleep with a heavy heart.

After a week I went home again but hell I feel hella empty. It's like I'm living a monotonous life now.

I groaned and opened my phone as I laid down on my bed.

From: Elle<3

Let's break up

To: Elle<3

What's wrong, hm?

From: Elle<3

Wala, pagod lang talaga ako

Ayoko na eh

To: Elle<3

Aydi naman

Wag naman ganito

Hintayin mo ako pupunta ako diyan sa inyo

Tears running down my face. I grabbed my coat and was about to get out of my condo but my phone rang.

"Hello?" I said, irritated.

"Is this Hale Zevilye?" A woman from the other side asked.

"Yes, what's wrong?" I tried to stop my voice from shaking.

"Uh, kayo po kase yung nasa emergency contact ni Mr. Lazaro. Nandito po siya ngayon sa High North Medical Center. He had an accident and there was a minor injury." She replied as I cursed. Shit, shit, shit.

I took my car keys and rushed downstairs to the parking lot.

"I'll be there." I said before hanging up.

Why the fuck did that fucker have to get in an accident right now? I should've fucking convinced him not to come here.

"Hey, are you alright?" I asked when I got to his room.

"Yeah, dude. Totally fine." He sarcastically replied.

"Wait, you look shittier than I am. What happened to you? Don't tell me you cried over me?" He said as I grimaced.

"Fuck off." I scoffed as he laughed. "We broke up. I mean she wanted to and I was about to go to her right now if you weren't in the hospital."

"Why?" He asked as I sighed and tears were starting to fall again.

"She said she was tired, Zac." I said as he frowned.

"Don't chase after her." He replied as I looked away.

"Just don't, Liam." He sighed. "I know how it feels to chase after someone who doesn't want you anymore. Parang ang dali diba?" Tumawa siya nang mapakla.

"Parang ang dali niya akong tinapon nang ganoon na lang. It's like she's telling me that I was just a passing fancy." I said as he scoffed.

"You need to stop giving people what they don't deserve, Liam. Hindi porket mahal mo ay magiging desperado ka na." He advised as I looked at him with tears in my eyes.

"But I love her." I reasoned out and he smiled sadly.

"You love her too much, Liam. Too much that I know you'll be willing to be hurt more than a million times. I don't want that to happen, so take my advice and let her be." He said as I sobbed.

"Masyado ko ba siyang minahal kaya napagod siya? Was I too much to handle? Was my love too suffocating? May mali ba?" Sunod-sunod na tanong ko sakaniya.

"You know, this is the first time that I saw you cry. Hell, dude, I want to hate that woman for hurting you." He softly said as I cried.

"Was I too much, Zac? Or is it that I wasn't enough?" I asked as he smiled sadly.

"You're just right, Liam. There are just some people who doesn't deserve someone like you." He ruffled my hair as I smiled.

"But I maybe too much." I said as he smiled.

"Pero hindi ka nagkulang, Liam. That's what's important. Alam mo sa sarili mo na binigay mo sakaniya ang lahat pero pinili padin niyang iwanan ka. That just means she doesn't deserve you, Liam." He said as I frowned.

"She does deserve me, Zac. Baka may pinagdadaanan lang siya. And you know, hurt people hurts other people." Kako at umiling siya.

"Kuya Zac!" I heard a familiar voice. I wiped my tears away and stood up.

"Sa cafeteria lang ako ng hospital." I said and walked out the door. I felt Chrizzna's eyes following me.

Maybe what Zac said was right. But maybe I am also right. What if Elle is having a battle that she's fighting on her own and I couldn't help her?

What if Elle is having a hard time with her studies and she couldn't bear to tell me since she thinks that I wouldn't understand?

Or maybe she's just really tired, she fell out of love and she got tired. She maybe was smothered with my love that she felt suffocated and she decided to leave me.

I was too much or I wasn't enough. It's one of the two but also maybe it's both. But maybe Zac was right. At least I know to myself that I gave everything and I don't have to feel like shit.

But why the hell am I hoping that this was a dream? Why the hell am I still hoping that maybe nadala lang siya sa bugso ng damdamin and that she'll take me back?

I know I'll run back to her once she asks me to and that alone makes me feel pathetic. Alam ko sa sarili ko na susunod ako sa ano mang gusto niya. It's pathetic, it's stupid.

I'm fucking stupid.