Q and A/Random stuff

Life Update/Rant

Hey, everyone.

So, I wanted to make a little update, but it's more like a rant. I just have some things that I need to get off my chest, and I didn't know what to do other than come on here and rant out my problems. You can stay and read this if you want to, but of course, you don't have to. This is all going to focus around problems I've been having with some friends at school.

So, let's start from the beginning.

So, about a year ago, my best friend (we're gonna call her E) and I started hanging out more with two girls in our grade (we'll call them B and M). Now, we had been friends with these girls already, but we never really talked that much at school and never really hung out. We were around the big friend group at lunch, but we usually sat at the far end of the table and didn't talk that much with the others.

But, junior year is when we really started hanging out at school. Most other people in the friend group moved away, so we were the only four really left. And that was fine. For awhile. Then, I noticed they were starting to leave me out of things. Out of conversations, out of group projects, out of outside-of-school plans, etc. In fact, most of my prom was spent crying at the table because they had been leaving me out all night. But I got through all of that, thinking: "it will be better next year."

Well, it's next year, and it is not better. The first semester went mostly as it had been second semester of junior year, them leaving me out of everything. There was a school dance that I thought none of my friends were going to, so I didn't go, and then saw on someone's (I think it was M's) Snapchat story that all three of them were at the dance. That was in September.

Then, B got a boyfriend. And she started being around her boyfriend more than her friends, which M didn't like. This was in October, right around E's birthday. That will be important later.

M came to me ranting about how it made her mad that B wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend than with her friends. We were all discussing plans for E's birthday, and we wanted to go see Five Nights At Freddy's in theaters, because E's birthday was on the day it came out. But B's boyfriend (we'll call him Z) couldn't make until late at night, like 9:30 PM, and my parents wouldn't let me be out that late, but B didn't want to go if Z couldn't make it. So, I offered to just sit it out and not go so that they could all go at the 9:30 showing. But they wouldn't let me, because I'm E's best friend, and have been since we were in preschool, and it was her birthday. (Note: this will be the one time they are somewhat good friends to me.)

So, we came to the conclusion that E, M, B, and I would all go at 6 PM on Friday, October 27th, and then go to Walmart to get a cake for E, and then back to my house for a sleepover. I even paid for all four of the tickets.

The Wednesday before E's birthday, B admitted to me that she had made plans to go with Z to a showing of the movie on Thursday, the day before going to see it with the group, and she made me promise not to tell E or M, and so I didn't. I kept it to myself, until today, when I'm telling people on the internet.

Anyway, we had a great time on E's birthday, but less than a month later, B and M stopped being friends, because M was mad that B only wanted to spend time with Z, and B was mad that M was acting jealous. M came to me to rant about all of this, and I listened, and was there for her. When she and B stopped being friends, it divided our friend group. I was around M more, and B and E were around each other more, so in a way, it felt like I had lost my best friend because of a fight that wasn't even ours.

During the time B and M we're no longer friends, I told M how I always felt left out of things when we were all one big friend group, and she revealed that she knew already, because E had told her. I had told E everything about feeling left out and that they like E more than me, thinking that she would be able to keep a secret, but apparently not. And this I think is still the most hurtful part of this story. And then M also told me that E had been saying I was annoying behind my back, specifically about one thing. E has a hard time getting up for school on time, and I always was checking with her why she was late every day, and one time, I texted her to ask why she was late, and she replied, "since when are you my mom?" And so I stopped after that, but I would've preferred for her to talk to me and express that she thought that was annoying, rather than her just be straight up rude about it, and I told M about all of that, and she told me that she was with E and B when that conversation happened, and B had told E to say that.

So. Yeah. I was livid.

Then, fast forward a couple months, B and M made up, and now they're friends again. Yay, that's great. The problems end there, right? Right??

Oh, no.

We had a group project for our dual credit composition class. Me and E were partners, and we were doing a digital media analysis over 2023's Barbie movie. We divided up the work so that we both worked together on analyzing the movie, E put all of the information into a slide presentation, and I presented the project, since I knew E hated public speaking.

But then, the night before it was due, E texted me at like 10:30 PM asking if she could come over to work on the project. I said no, because I was going to bed. Then, a few minutes later, I was half asleep, with my phone's do not disturb feature on, and I got a text from M. "I just want you to know you're an asshole for making E do the entire slide presentation." That was the first sentence. I only saw the text that night because M had clicked "notify anyway" when she saw that my notifications were silenced.

I reasoned that E and I had come to the agreement of the parts we would take on in the project, and that E said it was fine, so if she had a problem with it, then she should've talked to me herself. I always prefer people coming and talking to me about problems they have with me rather than just being straight up rude, because there is no need for that when you can just come up to me and have a civil conversation. I told M that I couldn't have possibly known that E had a problem with any of this because she didn't tell me and I am not a mind reader. And M argued that it was pretty obvious, but I had other things going on at the moment, and I couldn't think clearly and see what might've seemed obvious to her. M's response? "I don't really care what's been going on, because I still see no finished project." Girlie really said that she didn't care about what could've possibly been causing me to overlook something like that.

After I had been there for M the entire time her and B were fighting, she goes and pulls this shit, and just treats me like absolute garbage for something that I couldn't have even known about. At some point in the conversation, she said, "I'm not trying to start something." Uhm, you wanna reread how you STARTED that conversation and still tell me that you weren't trying to start something?

And then, the next day, she was acting like nothing even happened and that she had done no wrong. I told her I didn't like the tone she was using with me the previous night, and she was like, "yeah, I get like that when I feel like people aren't listening." Girl, you didn't give me a chance to listen before you VERBALLY ATTACKED ME.

Idk who these girls think they are. Both of them were butting into issues that weren't theirs. B when I asked E why she was late to school, and M when E had a problem with how we divided work for our comp project. But when I told them any issues I might have had with Elizabeth, did they go intervene and stick up for me? No, they didn't. And I am not saying that I am the perfect friend, because obviously, I'm not, but I have expressed to E multiple times that if she has a problem with me, then she needs to tell me, so I can work on it. But instead, she tells B and M, and then they just verbally attack me and put me down for things I didn't even know were happening.

But whatever. I got over it, and am still friends with them. Even though B and M are friends again, M has been ranting to me almost daily about how B isn't talking to her that much. And I sit and listen. I thought that I was over all of that, but apparently not.

Now, everything has gone back to normal within the friend group, but I just don't feel like I should even be there anymore. Even though we all are getting along again, I just don't think any of them really like me as a person.

All of this just came back to my head while I was watching The Eras Tour (Taylor's Version) on Disney+. Why, you may ask? Because every time I mention Taylor Swift to my friends, they make fun of her or make fun of me for liking her. They ruined Taylor Swift for me, because now I can't listen to her music without feeling guilty about liking her. And that is what made me realize that I am not over all of this like I thought I was.

So, yeah. I think that about covers it. Wow, this is almost 2000 words. There was more that happened than I really thought there was.