Nothing's Fine

• 69: Nobody's Home •

The night brought a series of new and old nightmares. Some I remembered while others I didn't. Either way, it was another restless night and when I woke up in the morning school didn't feel like it was in the cards yet again.

I knew to some degree that I was being a coward, hiding in my room, but there was so much going on in my head, that the idea of pretending to be fine for a day made me anxious. Though I knew I could do it, I didn't want to do it.

I sighed and pulled out my phone to message Emery.

Hey, heads up I'm skipping today.

Charlie Ross; 7:14am

What do you mean?

Are you okay?

Emery Young; 7:21am

Yeah, just didn't really sleep again.

Charlie Ross; 7:25am

Aw, I'm sorry.

School will be boring without you <3

Emery Young; 7:27am

I sent her a heart emoji back and then moved on to text Mason.

Hi, I'm skipping today. I barely slept.

Charlie Ross; 7:28am

Are you okay? Is there anything you need?

Mason Grey; 7:29am

His response made my chest flutter like I'd swallowed thirty butterflies. I didn't deserve how thoughtful and caring he was.

You are so sweet. I'm okay though.

Thank you <3

Charlie Ross; 7:30am

After that, I tried to go back to sleep which worked until it didn't.

I was in a field, similar to the one Mason and I always went to. But it wasn't our little spot. It felt foreign. Different. Off.

I looked around hearing girlish laughter echoing throughout the field but I couldn't see where it was coming from at first.

Suddenly, Irene appeared in front of me.

"You're no one's first choice," she whispered. When she stepped out of the way, Mason was sitting in the grass talking to a girl that looked like Kayla but laughed like Cassidy.

I opened my eyes and suddenly I was back in my room. My heart was racing from the dream and my hands were shaking. Somewhere deep down I knew my subconscious was trying to make sense of my feelings, but I hated being confronted with it in dream form. I checked my phone and realized it was almost 11am. I sighed, disappointed that I hadn't slept more of the day away. I sat up slowly and opened my music app.

I clicked play on one of my playlists, and Paramore's 'When It Rains' poured through my speakers. I leaned against the wall staring into my empty room, but not really seeing it. My mind was elsewhere.

My mind wandered to my nightmares, to what Kayla said the other day in the classroom. It wandered to almost losing Mason before Christmas and to flashbacks of my fathers death. All I felt was scared and sad and confused and tired and yet I couldn't stop going over everything in my head.

Suddenly my bedroom door burst open.

"'Nobody's Home', Charlie?" Lorraine exclaimed incredulously, making me jump. "I feel like we have a lot to unpack here."

"No, we don't. I'm fine!" I protested. Lorraine closed the door behind her and sighed. "It's a good song!"

"It is, but it's also really sad..." Lorraine said.

"It's not that sad, I'm fine," I insisted.

"Badass Avril Lavigne is fun, Sad-ass Avril Lavigne is a cry for help," Lorraine pressed motioning to the stereo.

"Is not," I huffed. It had way less resolve than before. Lorraine, it seemed, knew me a bit better than I thought.

"Is too and you know it," she said, holding my gaze. Whatever she saw in my eyes as she studied my apparently, not-so-well-constructed facial expression, solidified it. "Scoot over, it's time for some girl talk," she ordered as she walked over to my bed. I shifted over as she sat down on my bed. 

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Author's Note: Do you think Charlie's actually going to share what's bugging her or do you think she'll dodge it?  Comment below and see you in the next chapter! <3