"What's the big deal in taking a test? You just have to pee on it," Jungkook says still lying on the floor with Seol.
"I don't want to," Rae replies shrugging her shoulders.
"Just do it for my peace of mind," Jungkook requests politely.
"I'm not pregnant. I don't need this test, that's it." Rae throws the box at him which he catches. Seol laughs looking at him.
"What this daddy" Seol asks observing the box.
"It's for mummy" Jungkook keeps it down but Seol picks it up and goes to Rae.
"For mummy," Seol hands her the box. Rae takes it from her.
"Rae please," Jungkook pleads again.
"Fine you can do it on your own" Rae says.
"But how can I do it babe" Jungkook looks at her baffled.
"Come with me, I'll show you right now I'm not pregnant" Rae walks towards the bathroom.
"Seol baby be here," Jungkook puts her in the highchair so that she doesn't runs away. With her doll and a book she doesn't needs anything more.
"This cup has all you need from me, do it on your own if you want to do it so much," Rae tells Jungkook pointing towards a papercup on the sink counter.
"Wha... I..." Jungkook hesitantly takes out a tester from the box which has five.
"You're the one who wants to do it," Rae stands near the door. Even though she planned to leave him alone but now finds herself unable to do so.
Life always finds ways to surprise her in the most unexpected ways.
The past couple years are proof that nothing really goes as planned for her.
Jungkook, the restaurant, Seol, surviving a gunshot, living together. These weren't things she could ever imagine.
"It's pretty fast though," Jungkook looks at the box for the duration they have to wait.
Rae sets a timer on her smartwatch.
"Thought you didn't want to do this" Jungkook teases her.
"Fuck off" Rae rolls her eyes at him.
He senses the worry in her eyes. Knows she's scared if she is pregnant than he wouldn't be truly happy because he wants to wait. Knows another unplanned pregnancy would actually impact him negatively.
"Rae look at me," Jungkook turns her around.
"You've made me scared now," she mutters.
"I'm with you. It's your decision. Whatever you want. If anything has happened." He caresses her hair.
"Thanks," Rae says. "And where's Seol?" She asks.
"I put her in the highchair, don't worry," Jungkook assures her.
"Can you see it?" Rae asks.
"Fine," Jungkook answers. He turns his gaze towards the tests that had developed.
The same result shows on both of them. He doesn't knows if Rae would feel the same way as him.
Rae keeps her head on his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat, she keeps her eyes from moving away, from opening.
"What is it?" Rae asks. "I'm gonna die" she adds.
"It's negative" Jungkook tells her.
"Fuck. That was scary. Shit." She keeps a hand on her chest when he pulls her into a hug.
"Sorry I made you feel that way. I should've listened to you. You know your body better than me, obviously." Jungkook apologises.
Everytime he thinks about it. The memory of Yujin showing up on his doorstep and telling him she was pregnant with his child comes up in his mind. He hates the memory but he loves the one he got because of it all. And he hates the way it's all so complicated.
He remembers what he felt in that moment. Nothing can ever match the fear that he felt that day. The ground moved from beneath his feet. He went numb all over. He couldn't believe what he had heard. Regretted not being more careful, his reckless decisions. His bad ideas.
"Kook" Rae whispers still holding him.
"Yeah" he rubs her back.
"Can I say something?" Rae asks.
"Sure" Jungkook replies.
"I was kinda wishing it was the opposite. That I had been lucky to get pregnant that easily too."
Jungkook pulls her away from himself. He looks in her eyes.
"Rae" he shakes his head in denial. "No" he gives her a serious look.
"Please Koo. Just think about it." She says touching his cheek.
"Rae, I have. More than you can ever imagine. I have thought about it for years. I wasn't prepared for Seol. If it had been the other way round maybe I would've felt differently. I had been playing with the thought ever since we were together. I always wanted two kids. I don't want my child to be lonely in the way I was as a kid. I've given it serious thought since we got back together. And I am not ready yet. I know we can do it financially, our relationship has had it's years, Seol isn't that difficult. But mentally. I don't think I can take it right now." Jungkook speaks while she stays silent listening to what he has to say.
"It's fine. We can wait. We both need to be ready. And I'm sure that it might be hard but I'll get pregnant somehow in the end. I'm sorry. I don't mean to pressurise you." Rae says.
"It's not like that. I know you want a baby of your own. It's absolutely okay to feel that way." He says.
Rae gasps looking at him, she interrupts him "Excuse me what did you just say? You think I only want to get pregnant because I want a baby of my own. Do you think I feel any less towards Seol? What do I say or do that makes you think that? It's not like my life would collapse if I can't have a baby." Rae snaps at him. His words pierce through her heart.
"I just want to try for it. Only because I want Seol to have a sibling. I think of Seol even before I think of us Kook. Yes I want to have a child with you but is it so selfish of me. I didn't even want to be a parent but then I felt the importance of family, the beauty of nurturing a life. Seol is my first born. I don't give a fuck who gave birth to her. I fell into it all so naturally and that's when I thought maybe having another baby with the love of my life, my best friend wouldn't be such a bad idea." Rae breaks into a sob.
"How many times are we going to fight about this? I don't want a baby ever if we're gonna be like this. If this is what even discussing about it is gonna do to us. I want us, before anything else. My family, our family is complete to me no matter we have another child or not. And I don't want it only for myself I want it for the three of us, for the boundless love and joy we would feel. But if that's not what it's gonna bring to us I don't want it ever." Rae breaks down.
"I'm sorry Rae. I'm sorry I keep saying all the wrong things. Let's just not talk about it right now. Can we discuss it again after Seol is thirty months?" Jungkook wipes her tears. Feels guilty why he even said it that way.
People aren't perfect sometimes they say things they didn't want to say. Regrets are a part of life. He knows that. Rae knows this truth too. That's the nature of truths, they're bitter, hard to digest, hard to absorb.
Rae nods and they make their way outside holding hands to the living space where they know they've left Seol alone for far too long.
They find her asleep with her head on the tray. A trail of sorry are uttered by both of them. Rae picks up Seol quickly and takes her to her room. Jungkook follows behind. Knows it was his words that kept them away for so long.
Maybe having another kid right now actually is a bad idea, right?
Author's note
I'm sorry
I know some of you might be finding this plot boring
It's not a proper plot as such
Interesting things will happen soon
I promise
Just stay tuned <3
