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♡♡♡
y/n's pov:
for the first time in a long time, hazel is quiet.
when hazel is quiet, i feel like i have to be loud. i have to fill up the empty space she isn't taking up. so i do what i do best.
i write a song.
the strings on my guitar trace the familiar calluses of my fingertips. battle scars from years and years of learning an instrument. reminders of hours of practice. taming the wooden frame to fit my narrative.
i let the music lift from my mouth, it swirls around me in a kaleidoscope of purples and dark blue. gold butterflies tickle the corners of my vision.
i sing.
i sing for everyone i've lost. everyone i've won. i sing for hearts broken and lives forgotten. i sing staggered hymns and whispered melodies. i sing with not just my voice, but every other woman who has ever felt lost. ever felt alone and scared. my voice is strong, my heart is loud, but my feelings are fragile. i sing for sisters. for mothers and daughters and grand mothers. aunts and cousins and nieces. i sing for the lost souls. everyone who thinks they don't have a place in the world. i sing for my friends, i sing for my family. i sing for hazel.
but mostly?
i sing for me.
when i'm done, my voice is gone. nothing but raspy whispers of what it was an hour ago. i stare at the time mark on my voice memos app. i guess i had a lot to say.
i hear someone clear their throat. when i turn, walker is standing in the door way.
his eyes are so, so wide. pupils dilated until it looks like they've eaten his iris's. his mouth is slightly open.
"oh my gods." he breathes.
"hi!" i smile, even though he probably barely heard me.
i wave at him.
he rubs his face in amazement, "i think i just achieved enlightenment."
i snort. he walks over and pulls me into his arms. i tuck my head under his chin. i feel so safe here.
"hey," he says, drawing back to look at me, "come on, lets go do something fun."
i smile, "ok!"
he leads me downstairs and out the front door. we wave my mom goodbye.
it's warm outside. this is peculiar because it's barely spring. the breeze tickles my ears and i tighten my grip on walkers hand. the sun is almost set. the sky a freshly painted canvas of blues, purples, and pinks. streaks of gold tease the cloud. the moon winks at me.
i've never felt more alive.
we walk down the street for a while, tangled fingers a swinging pendulum between us. i don't question it when walker leads me up a foot-worn dirt path, the tall grass parting to make way for us. we reach the hill crest and that's when i see it.
a meadow. flowers everywhere. all kinds, every kinds. poppies, daffodils, dahlias, tulips, pansies, hydrangeas, and the occasional sunflower, peeking it's bright head about the bouquet that is this field.
"oh my god, walker! how did you find this place!" i say, spinning towards him.
he's already looking at me, hands in his pockets, watching me like i'm the only thing that matters.
"i come up here when i need to get away from everyone. it's my safe space."
i turn back towards the field and then take off down the hill at a run. walker follows after me at a slower pace, his laugh ricochets off the trees and threads itself into my hair.
i stop and sit down, pulling flowers out of the ground and setting them in my lap. then i get to work at braiding them into a flower crown.
i hear walker walk up besides me. he sits down. i don't look up as i feel him tuck a flower behind my ear. it takes me ten minutes before i'm done braiding. i inspect the crown, then turn and place it on walker's curls. he gives me a lopsided smile. as i fix it in his hair. then he leans forward and he kisses me. he tastes like sparkling grape juice and mint leaves. his lips are soft on mine, and his hands cup my hips as he leans into me.
he pulls away and with a mischievous glint in his eyes says, "last one to the tree is a rotten egg!"
then he's off and i'm stumbling after him, shouting protests at his back. i push all my adrenaline into my legs and manage to speed past him, but as soon as i reach the top, he tackles me to the ground.
i squeal and squirm under his grip, but he just slides his arms around my waist and rests his head on my chest. it's a wonder the flower crown didn't fall off. he kisses my collarbone and traces lazy hearts on my spine. i curl into him. we watch the dusk.
fireflies flutter lazily across the meadow, pulsing lights making it look magical. when i was a kid, i used to think they were faeries. crickets hum from the bushes, singing their song. i close my eyes and let it all sink in.
i feel walker tuck my hair behind my ear. i open my eyes to see him propped up on one elbow, smiling at me.
"hey," he says.
"hey," i say.
"how are you today?" he asks, folding my fingers into his.
"i'm doing better, now that you're here."
he snorts, "you're so cheesy."
"you love me."
"i love you."
i blink. that's the first time he's said it.
"i-i love you too."
"damn, you sure?" he grins cheekily.
i swat him, but he dodges.
"i do love you!"
he smiles and lays down next to me. i tuck my head into his shoulder. his hand rests on my waist. we watch the stars trace constellations across the blanket of night.
he turns towards me.
"i'm going to marry you one day, you know?"
"i know."
we turn back towards the fireflies. the tree waves its branches in the wind. i close my eyes. it's just me and you against the world, walker.
me and you.
♡♡♡
folks, one more chapter to go... we are almost at the end!! did i cook!
and then onto the next book!!
one more week of school chat. final stretch will i make it!!
